All Who Wander Are Not Lost

Cup of Coffee

2012-02-16T02:57:00.000-05:00

If we were to sit down at my kitchen table to catch up, these are some things that maybe we would talk about.
First I would have to sweep away the piles of clothes and detritus that have not been put away after my month in Kansas, and then I would probably have to wash up my new favorite vintage .50 mushroom mugs and french press coffee maker.

I would make some of my husband's stash of delicious coffee, a little cream and sugar for me.

I would tell you about the day that I met my husband in a coffee shop, and how it was as if the rest of the world just stopped. Every single moment was filled with aromatic magic and neither one of us wanted to take a step away.

I would tell you that spending a month away taking care of my mom was scary/wonderful, but missing Drake everyday was heartbreaking and deafeningly lonely. And that the distance between us showed me how tightly knit our bonds were; I could see how the years together have created a tight stitch that has made us one being, one pulsing heart.

I would ask you about your love life and friendships. I would want to know what great books you are reading and what has inspired your mind and your heart. I would tell you that I re-read Patti Smith's book, Just kids and adored every word. And that I ordered two new books on amazon that I am impatiently awaiting.

I would ask you what are you waiting for?

I would tell you about meeting up with two of the most influential women from my young life and how they still inspire me to be a woman of grace and love and conviction. They were encouraging and delightful. They were my champions at a time when I experienced a lot of rejection and disdain. I wouldn't be the same, or perhaps even here at all if they both had not been in my life. Even now I look up to these women and aspire to be like them.

I would ask you, who in your life has inspired you and how were they influential?

I would tell you that I heard someone talking about the power of positive thinking, and it reminded me that I need to be careful with what I allow myself to think. Life is full of all kinds of possibilities if we allow ourselves to be open to them. It's important to be intentional with our thoughts and not fall into negative habits. I'm trying to be aware and vigilant about it.

I would tell you that seeing one of my best friends and having one of our traditional annual anti-valentines day party refreshed my heart and helped to heal some freshly aching wounds in my soul.

I would pull out the perfect pale pink raw silk Jackie O jacket and dress that I recently discovered and ask you what you thought. I really want to wear it as separates in regular life...maybe I can pull it off as an outfit at an art show with the right accessories. I'd want to know if you thought that would work and what accessories might work best. We could pull out my hats and vintage jewelry and play.

I would tell you that the kids that I babysit for are growing up and changing that two of them are no longer babies but little boys, men becoming. And it is strangely bittersweet to watch the progression.

I would tell you that I am dreaming of new adventures and places to explore. And I would ask you about your dreams. I would tell you that my brother is in Paris, roaming the streets, writing music. I am happy for him. I hope to be there with him one day. Paris is a magical city, better than I ever imagined it could be.

I would tell you that I miss my scattered family and hope for a day when we find ourselves in closer proximity.

I would tell you that life is good and only to be lived once (I think) and that we should make the most of every single moment. I would give you a big hug and thank you for spending a few precious moments with me. For what do we ever really have to give that is more precious than our time?

2012: The Year of 30

2012-01-08T13:48:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentleman, I turn 30 this year.
I am excited to enter this new decade of life. There are no tears or sadness; I am ready to embrace the new adventures and excitement that the new decade may bring.

Which brings me to my goals for this year. I decided that as I enter this new decade of life that this year I want to focus on simplicity. So I'm going to keep my goals simple.

1. Drink water. I don't like drinking water, at all. I do enjoy seltzer, but it's not always so easy to get. My goal is to drink the required amount of water every day. Sure it's boring, but it's important.

2. Read 10 excellent books. Same goal as last year, but it was fun and I want to do it again.

3. Write more. Lots of areas to write, letters, stories, blogs, emails. I want to do more fun writing this year.

4. Study and pass the GPHR, this is a work goal.

5. Reinstitute date night. Drake and I are always together, but it's important to hang out in an intentional way sometimes.

And that's it, I anticipate a great year. While life is certainly complex, I'm going to try to keep as much as I can simple.
What are your goals for the year?
Happy New Year!

I call 2011 a Success

2012-01-08T11:53:00.001-05:00

As did many other bloggers, I set out 10 goals for myself this year.
I didn't want these goals to feel like a prison sentence, just reminders to change my life for the positive this year. I set some of these goals knowing that I would likely not meet them, but I like to give myself a challenge..and you never know, sometimes you can surprise yourself.
So how did I do?

1. Goal: Write down one small act of kindness everyday.
Epic fail. I did focus on small acts of kindness things like giving someone a seat on the crowded train, picking up a piece of trash and throwing it away, holding the door for the lady with the stroller, helping the elderly gentleman step up onto the curb. These may sound like common decency to you, but I live in New York and I can assure you that they are anything but common. I did not write them down though, it just seemed, I don't know, weird, vain, narcissistic somehow to put it on paper. So I adapted it and was pretty happy with the results anyway.

2. Goal: Write a letter every day to thank the wonderful people in my life.
I went into this knowing that the 'every day' thing was pretty nuts. And I definitely did not make that happen. I was able to accomplish a few of these letters and have quite a few more that I would like to do. It was a lot of work to gather all the required information and then to write a really meaningful, heartfelt letter, but the result was incredible and inspiring to do more of this. I feel like this year I just broke the ice on this one.

3. Goal: Live healthier.
I did average on this one. I grew a garden on my balcony and had fresh vegetables. We didn't eat as much junk food, and off and on we would religiously take vitamins. And I did rock climbing this summer, which was awesome, but it only lasted 3 months. We made some positive strides, but I would still like to be more consistent and plan to continue working on these things next year. Healthy living is a goal for a lifetime anyway.

4. Goal: Theme each month of a daily task.
This one I didn't do at all, not even a little bit. I just wasn't organized enough and had a zillion other things to do. I think if I try to do something like this again I need to set more clear parameters. This one was too vague and didn't happen.

5. Goal: Celebrate my successes in my work.
This is an interesting one. I didn't actually do much myself, but I found that many of the people that I support went out of there way to thank me for my hard work. I also had some really fun surprises from around the globe that were brought as thank you gifts. This was a goal that was met, in a way that was unexpected but better.

6. Goal: Keep better connected to my friends and family.
In some relationships I did really great on this. And in others it was a tough year for us to keep connected. This is something that I will continue to focus on, as many of my friends and family stretch further around the globe.

7. Goal: Stop being so tough on myself, allow myself to make a mistake.
I think I did a pretty good job on this. It wasn't perfect, because I am a perfectionist. But as you can see from the above list that I am allowing myself to be human and not insanely perfect.

8. Goal: Read 10 excellent books.
This was a tough one. I read way more than 10 books, but throwing in the excellent, well that's a different story. However, after careful consideration, I have my list of 10! It's been a really great year of reading and I think I've found some real treasures.
Looking through the summary of books, I was pleased by the variety and the peculiarity. Every one of these books brought me pleasure this year. If you are looking for an interesting read, you may want to consider one of the following:

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, loved this book, loved her writing, perfect. Be warned this book is about death and grieving, but it isn't a self help book, it's more a beautiful journey.

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen, inspirational and fascinating, challenges the notion that one person can't accomplish great things

The Google Story by David A Vice and Mark Malseed, this is a in depth look at an intriguing company, the content is great the writing style is average

Just Kids by Patti Smith, I loved this book, the narrative is engaging, the stories about New York in the 70's and 80's are fixating, and Patti writes pure poetry.

Room by Emma Donoghue, I had no idea what I was getting into with this book. It was heartbreaking, and the best writing written from the perspective of a child I have perhaps ever read.

Sarah's Keys by Tatiana de Rosnay, My Grandma gave me this book to read, and I loved the complexity of the story. It was rich in detail, character development was excellent, story was unbelievably sad.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett, I loved this book. It had great characters and told an intriguing story from an interesting perspective. It was obvious that this was early in the author's career and that over time she will likely develop into an even more skilled writer.

The Ox-Cart Man by Donald Hall, I loved this book as a child and I recently came across it second hand. It is a story that was passed down by oral tradition, and I was pleasantly surprised to find it as charming now as I did as a child. It's classic and simple and lovely.

Jazz Interviews, I can't remember the exact title and can't find this book right now, as I gave it to Drake to read as soon as I finished it. This was the most difficult book for me to get into, as it is short interviews with famous jazz musicians talking about specific pieces of music and how they influenced them stylistically. At first it felt incredibly abstract and dull, but for whatever reason, I decided to forge on through and found that I was captivated with the underlying philosophy and concepts that the musicians were working from. It was a pleasant mental foray back into the world of philosophy and the underpinnings of social structure. It was creatively inspiring and mentally stimulating.

The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet by Reif Larsen. This story is refreshingly different, from the writing style, to the paper it's printed on, to the characters and the drawings. It's fun and it's interesting. I enjoyed exploring the quirky world of Mr. Spivet, and I think you will too.

9. Goal: Put myself out there.
I definitely went for it this year. I met a lot of new people, sang karaoke, and generally had a great time.

10. Goal: Be in the moment.
This one I did really well. It's probably the one that I had to work the hardest on to do well at, but I succeeded. I hope to keep it going. Life is better in the moment, not thinking about the next big thing to come along.

SO, how about you? How did you do in 2011?
It was a tough year for us, filled with much sadness and much joy.
We are excited for the year ahead of us and hopeful that it will be full of great things.

Stumbled upon...

2011-12-14T10:01:00.001-05:00

In the midst of the seasonal madness, I haven't had a chance to post the many ideas that have flit through my mind. I still don't have time for a nice lengthy post, but I stumbled across these lines on a blog that I follow and the words so closely matched what has been on my mind lately, that I thought I would share.

As we all walk the road to maturity together, let us each remember and see one another’s tenderness {even if it is below the surface}, each other’s story {even if it is yet untold} and each other’s intentions {even if it is muffled by pain}.

Let us each reframe each other with the eyes of love and notice beauty.

And let us each move beyond tolerance and begin to love again.

Link to post: http://www.sarahmarkley.com/2011/12/beyond-tolerance/

What Music Has Carried me Through the Last Few DAys

2011-10-28T10:24:00.001-04:00

One great thing about living in NYC is that I don't have to own a car, which means that
-I don't have to buy gas and usually don't even know what prices are, not too many stations where I live
-I don't pay taxes and tags
-I don't have to do maintenance

-I don't have to deal with parking

So, for many, many reasons I love not being strapped to a car, however, there are downsides too...I'm sure you can imagine them.

When I transit from home to work and back again, I walk a few minutes to a train, stand on a high platform that sways a bit with the breeze, gaze at the backdrop of a magnificent city and bridge arching across the river.

I'm one of the many commuters that need to have headphones in at all times, especially in the morning, because I'm sure there are some of you out there that bounce out of bed and are bright and bushy tailed, but that is not me, never has been (except for when I was in INDIA and the time zone was exactly opposite of the one in my hometown, I digress).

It's not that I'm grumpy, I'm just not awake and don't really talk or function fully for a bit.

Some time ago I lost my headphones, I still can't find them and they were perfect. {POUT}

I didn't want to spend money on a new pair b/c I really liked the old ones and with our new budget I didn't want to spend money on a new pair.
But it had been weeks and weeks, and I was going out of town and knew it was time to break down and buy a pair.

I went to Duane Reade (a NY pharmacy, named after the cross streets where it started downtown) and the man asks me which color I would like. I asked him what my options were, "PINK, ORANGE, and RED" and by the way , they are M&M's.
SO yes, now I am the proud owner of RED M&M headphones, not subtle, but they work.

I am reunited with my commuting music, which makes me unbelievably happy.
I was having a tough time picking what to listen to, so I decided to go through each of my artists and listen to just one song each.
It's been such a blast, I don't usually pay attention to titles, so sometimes I have no idea what I"m picking and am delighted when a song I love pops up.
It's a great way to really pay attention to one song at a time and it's unbelievably diverse, because of course I'm going through alphabetically...
Here is a sampling so far:

A-F

AMOS LEE- Track 4 (oddly no title is listed, but I think it's called Truth)
AVETT BROTHERS- A Lover Like You, from Four Thieves Gone...
BADEN POWELL- Tristeza (Sadness), from Ola' Brasil

THE BAROWS- Last Few Words, from the Barows ***

BAT FOR LASHES- A Forest, from Vampire Diaries

BEN FOLDS- Late, from Songs for Silverman

BETH CARVALHO-So' Quero Ver, from Ola' Brasil

BILLIE HOLIDAY- You Better Go Now, from Billie Holiday's Greatest Hits

BLACK EYED PEAS- Like That, from Monkey Business

BLACK KEYS- Psychotic Girl, from Attack and Release

BLUR- Caravan, from Think Tank

CAT STEVENS- Trouble, from Mona Bone Jakon (this one was stuck in my head last week)
CHRIS THILE- Heart in a Cage, from How to Grow a Woman...

THE CLASH- Bankrobber, from The Story of the Clash Vol 1

COCONUT RECORDS-Nighttiming, from Nighttiming

COLDPLAY- Everything's Not Lost, from Parachutes

CORINNE BAILEY RAE- Like a Star, from Corinne Bailey Rae
COUNTING CROWS- Holiday in Spain, from Hard Candy (my parents are in Spain this week, lucky)

THE CRANBERRIES- Dreams, from Everybody Else is Doing It...

THE CURE- Apart, from Wish (Always loved this album, so melancholy, heartbreaking beautiful)

DAVID BOWIE- Let's Dance, from Platinum Collection, Disc 3

DAVID GRAY- Sail Away, from White Ladder (love this song)
DIDO- Stoned, from Life for Rent

EDITH PIAF- La Vie en Rose, from The Very Best of Edith Piaf (reminds me of my great g-ma)
ELVIS PRESLEY- Blue Sude Shoes, from 2nd to None

ETTA JAMES- Feeling Uneasy, Essential Etta James (one of Drake's favorites song and artist)
FEIST- Honey Honey, from The Reminder
THE FLAMING LIPS- Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, from Yoshimi Battles....

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINES- Dog Days Are Over, from Lungs (great commuter album)

My current obsession is The Barows, I've listened to it on repeat for the last month.
In the spirit of full disclosure, one of my brothers both wrote the music and plays in the band.
I can't believe how professional and musically perfect these songs are.
I would love this album even if I didn't personally know the artist.
I hope you will check it out. You won't regret it.
You can get a nice sample of their music on Amazon.
Check it out, fall in love. I did.
I just checked Amazon and they are currently sold out, but it would be great to leave a review.
MusicBaby also has in stock.

Momma Came to Visit

2011-10-07T09:35:00.003-04:00

My mom and I always have such a great time when we get together.

It doesn't matter what we are doing, we just enjoy spending time together.

But that didn't stop us from having some grand adventures.

We went to see an amazing hat collection: http://www.bgc.bard.edu/gallery/gallery-at-bgc/main-gallery.html

Then hopped puddles and scampered down to have a delicious, late lunch: http://alicesteacup.com/

And then over to our favorite little boutique to try on the latest fashion and fun: http://purdygirlnyc.com/

We finished the day watching: http://thehelpmovie.com/us/, in a grand theater on the

Upper West Side, which we both enjoyed.

And finished the day at one of my favorite little Italian eateries right around the corner eating a very late dinner: http://patriziasofbrooklyn.com/

and as usual stayed up very late telling stories and sharing our hearts.

My Mom (Cheri) sat in front of a cup with a C, she asked to buy it but they said no

3 Tiers of goodness, called the Jaberwocky (I think)
And it came with two pots of tea
(We tottered out, deliciously full)

Cake and assorted cookies of course

A cool vintage door used as a room divider and fairy wing holder, genius!

The next day we took our adventure to awesome exhibits at the Morgan Library: http://www.themorgan.org/home.asp

followed by a special Winnie the Pooh exhibit at the Main Library at Bryant Park.

We did what we always do, giggle, tell stories, share our hearts.

It's wonderful while it lasts, and we're always really sad when it's over.

I helped my mom into the airport with her ridiculously heavy bags, and we hugged tight neither one wanting to let go.
I'm so thankful that I have a mom like that, a mom to miss, a mom to love, a mom to laugh with, to be myself, to explore and enjoy and create.
I'm ready for another visit...

Sweet summertime

2011-10-05T11:26:00.000-04:00

This summer was full of so many adventures. We went to weddings, with the family to the outer banks, laughed and danced, played and ate. It was everything a summer should be.
Here is a sampling of shots:

Prepping for the wine tasting in my owl apron and sailor girl dress

AT the art show, my very first

Rock Climbing with work crew in 'the cave'

What would you do during a Hurricane? We hid out and Drake drew tattoo's on my back.

Post Hurricane walkabout to see the damage.

Silliness with my hats at the wine tasting

Hat modeling continues

Check out my garden, pretty good for only having a little balcony in NY...

More Garden, so proud.

Outer Banks

Isn't he cute

Drake and his momma

One of my favorite summer dresses this year

Isn't this necklace cool, it's made by a local artist in the outer banks

At a wedding

Mom and little bro at the Orville Wilbur Wright monument

Cute Wedding couple

WOW my nails look awesome

Summertime!

Belated --- Fourth of July _

2011-10-01T19:57:00.000-04:00

Is it too late to talk about what we did on the 4th?

Surely not...

We visited my very best friend from college at her family farm.

Me in my TOMS

Drake, awaiting the food

BEC!

Did I mention that Bec's mom looks like an antique store.
A nice one that has stuff you want to adopt, cutely displayed.
And it's everywhere, so I took a photo...or 2...or 3...

Basket with vintages dishes and memorabilia

Awesome Pitcher

Funky chipped dishes, stacked

Sports stuff, liked the color and texture

Love this!

Festive Decor

Patriotic Flag

Cutie-pie and Kitty (my fave)

Drake and the spunky kitty (his fave)

FIRE-works!

Tiki, practical and pretty

World famous mountain pies, ah-maz-ing

Big Ole Party, probably 50 friends and fam

The magic makers

We had such a fun time, what did you do for the fourth?

Tell me, Tell me

2011-09-07T10:08:00.000-04:00

10 random questions
would love to hear your answers too!

1.
Q. What was one of the books you read as a child that made a difference in your life?
A. I read thousands of books when I was a kid, so it's somewhat hard to choose just one... When I was about 10 I read Hitty, Her First Hundred Years with my mom. I loved the idea that a doll could travel the world and have a story. I loved to hear the history and watch as the world changed around her. Perhaps it inspired my love of antiques and the joy of imagining the secrets that they contain. I love finding an old book with a letter tucked away inside. I love secret notes contained in margins of stories. I like feeling connected to the past. Not to mention my desire to travel!2.
Q. What was your favorite outfit ever?

A. In high school I had a creamy, silk vintage floor length gown that just skimmed my body. I always felt so beautiful in the simple cut and buttery sleekness. It made me feel slim and graceful in a way that my regular wardrobe comprised of flannel, jeans, and Birkenstock could not. It's amazing the way that clothes can transform the way you feel. This was my 'Grace Kelly' dress.

3.
Q. When was a time that you were perfectly happy?

A. I feel very fortunate to have many memories of perfectly happy moments. One of the most simple and happy nights of my life was in Trinidad and Tobago. I was with a group of college classmates on a cultural trip. One January night the weather was warm, the moon was full, and the breeze was gentle, so we strolled down to the beach and spent hours playing in the water, throwing each other in the air to perform acrobatic feats, sumo wrestling and ballet dancing on the beach. No one else was around, so we could just be the silly fun loving kids that we were. I felt so free and unfettered like anything that I dreamed could really be. Life was perfect in that moment, bliss.
4.
Q. What was one of your embarrassing moments?

A. Many of the embarrassing things in my life revolve around an awful competition called ACIP that our school attended every year.
One year my teacher decided that I should do an extemporaneous speech. She read the rules, told me what I had to memorize and coached me. What she didn't realize (or missed in the instructions) is that I actually had to give a speech. I memorized the passage of scripture from Mathew and through endless repetition was able to get through the recitation without vomiting (I had severe stage fright). I reached the end feeling pretty good about my lack of projectile vomiting and generally not screwing up too bad, when one of the judges asks me if I'm ready to give my speech. All of the color drained from my face, my heart sank to my toes, "SPEECH, WHAT SPEECH?!?!". my mind began to frantically spin in a thousand directions, mainly in the area of deadly weapons for use against my now hated teacher. I took a deep breath rattled out a few probably incoherent lines and exited stage left, with stinging cheeks and mortified soul.
I assure you, that was the very last time I volunteered to speak in public! And to be fair, I think my teacher felt worse than I did. The judges gave me a a pretty good score, but I'm positive that it was the pity vote.

5.
Q. What was the worst moment of your life?

A. The phone call from Drake, when he said that he was stabbed in the face, in the back of the ambulance, and they were checking for other stab wounds. Worst moment, worst day, etc. http://ashli-in-the-city.blogspot.com/2010/10/call.html

6.
Q. What was your most surreal moment?

A. Hanging out at a small NY Halloween party at someones apartment and chatting with Claire Danes & Hugh Dancy. They were really cool, down to earth, interesting people. This by the way makes me sound far cooler than I actually am...

7.
Q. What book did you read in the last year that you found interesting and well written and why?

A. I recently read the book Little Bee. I have to admit that I had very low expectations. My job is to do immigration on a daily basis, so I wasn't enthusiastic about reading something on this topic in my personal time. By chance someone at work gave me a copy, so I decided to read it on a very long flight. I was pleasantly surprised at the captivating use of language, the enjoyable pace of the dialogue and the well-developed and believable characters. I didn't love the way that the book ended. I think it could have used a revision, but Drake and I both read it and enjoyed it.

8.
Q. What is one of your quirks?

A. I love finding out what people's quirks are; the funny little ticks that make people who they are. I myself have a healthy dose. I tend to be very particular about things, especially for being pretty easy going. For instance, I only like the red and yellow M&M's but I will force myself to eat all except the dark chocolate ones. Another one is that I like my Coke assembled in a very specific way and it depends on the glass. So for instance, at work I need one of the recyclable plastic cups, filled to the brim with the soft ice, and then fountain soda (preferably with an appropriate ratio of soda to syrup) is filled nearly to the brim. The goal is to keep the soda as cold as possible, but it must be consumed quickly or it tastes too watery. The one downside (or good side for my health) is that there is a very limited amount of soda that fits once completely full of ice, like three sips. I find that most of my oddities are in the area of food/drink.
9.
Q.What is one thing that you wish that you could do, but are completely hopeless at?

A. I wish that I could paint my nails. I would love to have perfectly manicured/pedicured nails without paying the fortune it costs to have someone else do it. My hands shake and make it impossible for me to do a decent job of nail painting. I also wish I could blow out my hair like they do in the salon. It always looks so good when they do it. Wouldn't it be great to have someone do that for you all the time?!?!!

10.
Q. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

A. Tough to narrow this one down. br /> I wish that I was more in tune with how people felt and understood that part of humanity better. It's easy for me to analyze a situation, but I find it hard to connect to how people feel, in part b/c it's not usually logical or rational. There were supposed to be 25 questions, but I'm long-winded and ran out of steam. Repost on your blog with your answers and leave a comment to let me know so that I can see what ya have to say. Would love to read about you!

Yesterday,Today....tomorrow, forever

2011-08-25T13:52:00.002-04:00

I'm a lucky girl. Tomorrow's my five year celebration of married life. It's hard to believe that we've been together for 7 years altogether, in love and war.
Our relationship bears the marks of deep love, sometimes expressed in jealosy, aggravation, arguments, passion, as well as the normal things attributed to love.

We were young when we got married, at least by the standards of this city, and we spent our twenties going through the growing pains of life together.

We have shared laughter, shed tears, explored the world, and held each other together when the rest of our shared world fell apart.

I have been thinking about the vows to love and honor through sickness and health, poverty and wealth, through the divergence of life's many paths. And I think that it is a vow to get dirty with the relationship, because letting someone into your life, to truly join two different beings is a messy business. It is anything but antiseptic; it brings out the very best and the very worst in us. And ideally we both change toward the better and the best. We bring out the best and brightest in the other.

Love is complicated and sometimes heart-rending. It is sometimes a great adventure and sometimes it's boring and warmly comfortable.

It is a life better lived for sharing it. It is a thousand picture perfect moments, gathered between moments of devastation and plodding consistency. It is meals shared, inside jokes, artistry, challenge.

It is everything for now, for always.

Copy Cat: Ashli A to Zed

2011-08-12T12:26:00.002-04:00

I'm following the trend that I picked up on Marigold Road http://www.marigoldroad.com/.

A. age: 29 and delighted to be heading toward my thirties

B. bed size: KING, wouldn't have it any other way, since I'm married to a gorgeous 6'4" 240 lb bed hog...

C. chore you hate: um, all of them

D. dogs: sadly deceased. Cholo was the little man in my life for years and now it's just the two of us. Thought about getting a new dog, but ended up getting a white rug instead...

E. essential start to your day: good coffee and IPOD for the train

F. favorite color: at the moment I'm in love with mustard yellows and oranges, fall is coming!

G. gold or silver: gold, although I have quite a bit of both

H. height: 5 ft 9 in (actually just a shade under)

I. instruments you play: sort of piano and flute, nothing with any degree of skill. I like to sing, but I don't really get to do it anymore.

J. job title: Immigration Specialist, yeah it's weird, and no I don't sit at the border and stamp people's passports

K. kids: only nephews for now, (And they're adorable)

L. live: Williamsburg (that's in Brooklyn for those not from Manhattan)

M. maiden name: private

N. nicknames: a few silly ones

O. overnight hospital stays: only when I had typhoid in india, stayed for about a wk

P. pet peeve: haha, oh so many, my current one is that people in NY say waiting online...which is ridiculous. You wait IN line. It's silly but I find it absolutely grating.

Q. quote: Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - emerson

R. righty or lefty: Right, meh

S. siblings: Yup, 4 brothers, all awesome: Josh, Caleb, Luke, Josiah, it's pretty great, don't get to spend nearly enough time with any of them

T. time you wake up: during the week a little before 7, except the 2 times a month I go to Princeton for work, when I get up at 4.30am, ugh! Wknds I usually sleep in until around 9 or 10. I am NOT a morning person, at all.

U. university attended: Messiah College

V. vegetables you dislike: I can't reallly think of any, I used to hate radishes, but they're kind of ok now oh and I don't really like mushrooms very much, are they vegetables? I know they're fungus...

W. what makes you run late: usually it's due to train delays, but sometimes it's because my husband can't decide what the heck to wear

X. x-rays you’ve had: an absurd amount, I might even glow

Y. yummy food: the hubs is a chef, so pretty much eat anything. I really love garden fresh, never refrigerated, grass fed, free range, organic stuff, it just tastes better.
I also live in NY where you can eat awesome food out every single day...except bbq, impossible to get great bbq or bisquits

Z. zoo animal favorite: can't remember the last time I was at a zoo, I find them a bit sad, I'd rather go on a Safari to South Africa, want to come?

I am LONG overdue for a proper post with photos and updates and such.
But the longer I go without doing it, the more that piles on top and I feel too overwhelmed to sit down and do it.
Besides, it's summer and it's more fun to be out doing than writing about it

What's new with you?

2011-07-08T09:08:00.003-04:00

If life was a circus, who would I be, the tightrope walker, the clown, the juggler?

Lately I've been running at warp speeds to try to keep everything that's up in the air from falling down around my ankles. I've spent more weekends out of the state than in it...

I've got lots of updating to do on here (with photos) but that will unfortunately have to wait until a later date.

I will say that this weekend we are hosting our underground wine tasting at our house (our currently dirty house). I see house cleaning and assistant chef'ing in my future.

And next weekend Drake and I and our friend Matt our having an art opening, my art debut. I'm pretty nervous about it and have zero completed pieces, hmmm....

AND we are eagerly anticipating the arrival of Baby Bunch, who seems to stubbornly be waiting for the due date to make an appearance (July 17)

and for all the nerds out there, Harry Potters final installment is coming out 7/15. I will be attending the opening, yay!

#JOPLIN - DISASTER RELIEF -

2011-06-09T12:50:00.005-04:00

Recently a tornado ripped a 6 mile wide path through a small city in the Midwest. Many died, and more were left without homes, without jobs, without hope.

The stories coming out of this area are heartbreaking. So many times we hear of large scale disasters, and it's easy to be overwhelmed and wonder how we could possibly help or make a difference.

I'm going to make a trip to Joplin to do whatever needs to be done. I may not be able to do a lot in the time that I'm there, but I do know that someone caring enough to do what they can makes a big difference in times of crisis.

I'll hopefully be able to take some photos and share some stories when I return.
I spoke to the volunteer center, and they said that much of the work right now is cleaning up. However, the needs will likely shift to the victims and rebuilding as time progresses.

If you would like to help, there are a many organizations working to meet the needs of people that have experienced this devastation. Many of these are posting updates on social media sites i.e. Facebook/Twitter.

I am also happy to take with me (or purchase items when I am there) if you are interested in having something personally delivered.

From what I've read, they are not able to accept clothes right now, but I've heard that there is great need for the following:

Water
Gatoraid ***apparently it's HOT!
Bleach
Laundry detergent
And one place is accepting new socks & undies

Let me know if you want to help. I'll be there the weekend of June 24.
If you're in the Joplin area, please come out and help too.
You can also call the volunteer line to see how you to can help--
417-429-4051.

On a Bridge

2011-03-28T18:44:00.002-04:00

I found out today that a friend of mine jumped off a bridge.
Not in a fun, summery, exciting kind of way,
In a can't take life kind of way.
His body was found on the shore of a Charleston beach.
It seems untrue.
I can't imagine what his family must be going through.
It's a day of sorrow, a time to remember, and to mourn.

Bloomberg

2011-03-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

Many of you know that I work for Bloomberg, and a few of you have had a chance to get a tour of the futuristic building. The below article is a very interesting look at the company, the business, the personality if you are curious. I warn you that it is a long article. It's primarily about the News dept, but also gives a description of the culture..

The Bloomberg Juggernaut | American Journalism Review
The Bloomberg Juggernaut | American Journalism Review

My favorite things

2011-02-21T23:09:00.002-05:00

I get strongly attached to things that are a constant in my life, and it's usually the small details that curl around the edges of my world that are difficult to extricate.
I have a t-shirt that is paper thin. It was thin when I purchased it in grade 7 from the thrift store for a solid .25 and through many washes my Reese's Pieces shirt has thinned to near disintegration. I no longer wear it anywhere except to bed or to workout, but it is still one of my favorite items in my closet. I've bonded with it; I know it's not a fashion piece but it holds thousands of memories. And it's soft and comfortable.
It probably explains why when I invest in a friendship; I consider it to be for life and am devastated if the other person doesn't have the same mentality.
It may also be why when the brand that has been making my hair products for the last 15 years or so decided to arbitrarily discontinue first my shampoo and conditioner and subsequently my hair gel that I find myself adrift.
Why would a company stop producing products that have defined the way that I smell, the texture of my hair?
I realize that there are bigger problems in the world, but today that is my problem. It affects my mourning routine, the essence of my scent, the way my hair feels, the way that I feel.
I get attached to things, and most of the time that is a good thing.
But today it's a hard thing.
And I just wanted to share.

Anti valentines Day Party

2011-02-10T20:27:00.003-05:00

The problem with valentines day are all the expectations.
So every year we throw a party celebrating anti-valentines day, which really means celebrating our friends.
This year it's a Tarantino fest, sort of a my Bloody valentine.

It won't be fancy, just a gritty good time.
So if you're in the neighborhood and are single, or a couple, or whatever, stop by for some anti-holiday fun.

Stopping by woods on a...

2011-02-10T00:36:00.003-05:00

I'm with good mr. frost's horse on this one, when it's cold outside you have to keep on moving, too cold for contemplation.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Sleep eludes me once again, thus I contemplate half remembered poems from my youth.

Funk

2011-01-30T23:02:00.004-05:00

If you haven't heard much out of me lately, it's probably because in cold weather I tend to hibernate and also I've been in a bit of a funk.
However, in the midst of my funk, I did get to visit my family in Chicago and proudly watch Josiah graduate from Navy basic training. It was quite an experience with all the rules and the guns and the deep sense of authority.
We also were able to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday. It was cool to get to be with her, b/c usually we are many miles apart when we have the annual celebration.

As an update, I have started my resolutions for the new year; I'm hoping to do better on some. Will probably drop others all together and have done pretty good on others.
I have a few items that I need to do some strategizing, buying a few items, making some plans.
I did join a gym, so I'm hoping to find a routine that works for me over the next few months. I'm going to spend a week at the beach in May, so I have a few months to tone everything.
We've been eating out much less and have done a better job about getting healthy items in the house.
However, I seem to be craving really crappy food...see cold and funk above...

I found the NY Times list of some of the best books of 2010 and added them to my library list. I'm hoping to find a few keepers that I can pass along. I started reading one of these books and was hopelessly depressed 10 pages in and had to put it aside, perhaps for another day when I'm out of funk land.

I have written a few people but have realized that I need to get better supplies for this venture, and I need to create a list of whom I want to write. In addition, I need to do research for addresses, and I need to find a really good time to do this daily so that I can create a habit.

All in all, I'm happy with the progress so far, and I'm hoping to do even better in the next few years. After all change is gradual and any progress is good progress.

One final note, I de-activated my facebook account. I decided I am taking the month of February off. So, if you want to catch up with me, you'll have to do it the old fashioned way, write, call....email.

Carpe Diem, February here we come!

They say that confession is good for the soul...

2010-12-16T17:31:00.014-05:00

So here it goes, I confess that I am not good at making/keeping resolutions made at New Years or otherwise. I have great intentions. I make amazing plans and schedules. I write things down. I am determined....

And then life.gets.in.the.way.

I get (am always) crazy busy with the goings on and I lose track of all the many important things that I want to do better, do different, do more/less of, and on and on.

I hate the hypocrisy of saying I'm going to do something and then backing out or worse fizzling out. I know I'm not alone here, but it aggravates me. It makes me want to eschew the whole thing, which I have also done many years.

But this year, I have things that I want to make time for, and I don't want to brow beat myself. I want to be nicer to myself this year, but I also don't want to just let myself go. I feel like I've gotten sloppy/lazy about some things that I think are important and that I really want to incorporate to make my life and perhaps maybe others lives better along the way.

So this is my list of things that I would like to do, make time for, take action on, not forget about, embrace, and hopefully I will still remember as the pounding months hit the shore.

Here's my list of TEN for 2011

1. One of the most important things I want to do this year is one small act of kindness every day and write it down. I would like to look back at the year and see 365 small things done quietly, in secret, in the shadows and remember and celebrate how each small thing have been exhaltations of kindness to others. And hopefully it will encourage me to act kindly and thoughtfully the rest of the short hours of each day.

2. I want to write letters. I would like to write one every day to the many wonderful people that have been in my life, my friends, my old teachers, my family, old ballet teacher and vocal coach. All those people that have been special to me throughout the years. I'd like to write and thank them and just share a moment of my life and perhaps brighten their day. Sure, it's ambitious to aim for everyday, probably impractical but I like the ambition.
Goal: Aim high and don't bludgeon yourself if you land a bit lower than you planned.

3. I want to be healthier. I want to take the vitamins and work out (not sure about how yet) and eat healthier...more fruit & veg and less pizza/chinese. It takes so much work to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle, but I want to make steps toward that directions, even if they are baby steps.

4. I would like to have a theme for each month that have repeated things for me to do every day. i.e. In January I'd like to take a photo every day. You know, that kind of thing... This one is tough for me, as I'm lazy when it comes to daily repetitions. But I think this would help me be more disciplined in my daily life, as opposed to my work life which is exactly opposite.

5. I want to celebrate the good things that I do in my job and reward myself with flowers or chocolates, etc.. Nobody else is going to applaude my efforts, and if no one else will notice then I should just do it myself. I work very hard and accomplish great things. Why not celebrate?

6. I want to do a better job of keeping connected to friends and family, devoting time to keeping those relationships healthy and in check.

7. I want to stop punishing myself for small errors and give myself permission to make a mistake. I realize that I would never treat another person the way that I do myself with the mental berating and cruelty. It's unhealthy, and it's time to stop.

8. I want to read 10 excellent books this year. and I want to share them with others so that they can enjoy them too!

9. I want to take more chances and put myself out there a little bit more. I want to take the risk even if it means that I will be ridiculed or hurt and just leap.

10. And last but not least, I want to enjoy the time that I spend with friends and family and not always be obsessing about 'the next big thing'. I want to savor the precious little time that I have and not worry about how limited it is or focus on the next thing, but really be in the moment.

Will you make resolutions this year?
What is one of your goals?
Good luck to all as we face the exciting new year, ready or not, 2011 here we come!!

Christmas

2010-12-16T15:49:00.008-05:00

It's the little things that I have always found endlessly charming about Christmas.
I'm intoxicated by the magical lights that dance and twirl, lighting up the spiny needles that fill the air with crisp, blue and green notes. I like the way that the soft light makes even the most homely ornaments made when we were small children eerily beautiful, haunted with thousands of memories full of laughter and tears.
I love creeping out of bed to be alone under the tree with the soft clicking and whirring sounds of ornaments and lights as they hum with electricity, coccooned in the knowledge that the ones I love best are breathing gently behind closed doors.

I love the special seasonal drinks--mulling wine, hot, spiced apple cider, hot cocao, flavored coffees. I enjoy sipping the warmth and spice and complexity which contrasts pleasantly against the icy winds whipping through the bare tree branches.

I love setting the table with pretty white crisp linens, spiky festive candles, bright bouqets,sparkling glasses and silverware. I like the moments before the table is loaded with food, the breath when everyone looks at the table and the piping hot, delectables are being pulled from the oven. I like that one moment of hush before the glasses clink and silverware click, that one breath of perfection, when everything is completed, set just right, and everyone is present.

I like to Christmas shop. I think all year long about the people that I'm buying gifts for, turning over thousands of ideas, searching for that one perfect gift. That one gift that will momentarily lift their hearts and minds and let them know that they are loved and known. I like giving the perfect gift, and I deplore settling for anything less. It's so special to be able to find that tangible thing that makes someone feel really loved.

And finally, I love the Nativity that my mom sets up every year. I like that we spent years picking out a few special pieces. I love that it now scatters across the entire buffet table, shepherds and angels, wise men, and some regular folks. I like the tiny Italian sculpted figurines and their 'props'. I like that this comes out at Halloween and often lives (lived) with us until well past New Years. I like that the boys played with the pieces and there may be a bite mark or two from years of not so gentle handling.

I love Christmas for all the reasons people love it, I love being surrounded by family and friends sharing wonderful, delightful, special food and drinks. I love the decorations and the movies and the music. I love the sentimental memories and feelings. I know there is a dark side to Christmas, the potential for greed and ridiculous commercial over consumption, but I think that for the most part it really does bring out the best in people. Their generosity, their kindness, their gentleness, it is a soft reminder that we have a chance to show each other love and perhaps we should take that opportunity every chance we can.

Sunny days chasing the clouds away

2010-11-13T23:13:00.001-05:00

What could be better than an unseasonably warm, sunny day,
an outdoor antique market,
a fresh baked bread and pancetta sandwich with rustic tomato/potato soup
watching singing in the rain
and baking fab pumpkin cupcakes
couldn't have had a better day

Love

2010-11-11T07:51:00.003-05:00

I am so lucky to have found the one great love of my life.
I remember the day that we met so vividly.
It was as if, just for a second, the world stopped and everything/everyone else faded away.
You know those Disney films with the singing birds and the prince and all that? Well, it was kind of like that.
I wasn't looking for love. I was happy being single, living life.
But I knew that day that something had changed, that I had met someone very special.
I'm so lucky to have someone that loves me back and makes me a better person, someone that really knows and gets me.
He's not like anyone else, he's funny and thoughtful, runs circles around people in the kitchen, makes the best coffee I've ever had, creates amazing artwork. He loves my family and makes our lively bunch even more fun, and the great part is that they really love him back.
He's fallen in love with books; I like to think that just maybe I had a little something to do with that. It is a little infectious. It's hard to love me and not be swept away with literature.
We love life together, we explore and create; we share our heartaches, we argue, we tell each other our stories and secrets.
And we hold each other together when the worst things imaginable happen.
We promised to love and to cherish through it all.
I can't remember life before him, and I can't imagine life without him.
I'm one lucky girl.

Something burning inside

2010-11-10T09:57:00.002-05:00

I recently did an interview for the Fire Escape Coffeehouse, a very cool organization that I had the priviledge to help start when I was a freshman in high school.

I have thought a lot about how amazing this incredible place that has literally touched thousands of people came from just a small idea from a high school kid (not me).

This one small seed of an idea was planted into the passionate, fertile soil of a few kids, it was nurtured to by the love and support from a few crazy adults, and it was surrounded by a global community that has arisen to support this quest.

Our early meetings at the local Pizza Hut consisted of conversations around what this place should be.
We really wanted a place that was outside the vicious denominational sword play.
We wanted a place that anyone could walk through the door and feel accepted, nee loved.
We wanted an alternative to cruising Main Street.
We wanted a place that encouraged kids to ask questions, to state opinions, to listen and question. We didn't care if you were Catholic, atheist, Baptist, whatever, whoever you were, you were welcomed.
We wanted a place where the kids took ownership.
And we wanted a place that we could bring in cool bands that we liked.

I remember loving the hard work involved. I did just about everything from scooping out dead pigeons, pulling shots of espresso, scrubbing toilets and sweeping floors, singing with a band, decorating the walls, drinking lots of 'Stairway to Heavens', talking to strangers, setting up for concerts and signing along in the crowd, making friends, leading Bible studies, and endless hours of prayer. It was always a labour of love.

Today, the coffeehouse has changed. I don't recognize many of the people that walk through the doors, as a new generation has taken over. The building is so much better than anything we could have dreamed up. There are new ministries that have sprouted, including a strong radio presence.

But the thing that has remained the same is the vision, the heart for teenage kids to be loved. To know that God is good and to have a safe space for Christians to do what they are supposed to be doing, expressing God's love through action.

The coffeehouse changed my life. It made me a better person and it showed me that with God anything is possible.

I have that rumbling feeling that perhaps there is something more that I could be doing. I know that I can be a part of something far bigger than I am. Do you feel that? Do you have the excitment and the passion to be a part of something amazing?

I encourage you to check out the Fire Escape coffeehouse. You can find them in all the usual places, http://www.fireescape.net/, Facebook, etc. You can listen to their radio programs (online even) or visit them on Main Street in Chanute Kansas.

They have a cool 'Christmas Carol' play coming up soon that will be live and on the radio that I totally recommend. You should tune in.

If you feel that you have something you can give to the Coffeehouse, your time, your passion, your money, then I encourage you to give. I guarantee that you will get far more out of it than you can ever give.

Green Eyed Monster

2010-11-04T11:43:00.003-04:00

I read a book on my flight about 2 friends called the Recipe Club.
It was the story of how they spent many years in silence after a fight and reunited.
It was not what I expected.
I thought that the friendship would have been different when they were children.
But these two girls spent their time envying each other, vying for attention, struggling with insecurity and lashing out at each other. It was a clear depiction of how envy and insecurity damage relationships. They had so many opportunities to lift each other up, to support each other, to show kindness and considertion, and yet they endlessly spiralled into the worst versions of themselves.
I wonder about my own friendships, and how many of them have been impacted by jealousy. How many times have I had the opportunity to support, to show love, to embrace and have settled for something less virtuous?
I shudder at the amount of damage inflicted when selfish desires take over. When we don't take a second to care about how our actions affect another.

If I speak in the language of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Call

2010-10-08T00:38:00.006-04:00

I heard a ringing and thought it was the door buzzer. I stumbled out of bed confused, then almost turned back to bed after no one answered. But before I could make my way back to my warm waiting bed, I heard the harsh jangle of the vintage phone in the front room. I shuffled along, knowing who it would be wondering if he forgot something.
I picked up the receiver, murmured a barely coherent answer, when the next line snapped me awake.
I heard, "I was robbed and stabbed. I'm in the back of an ambulance and they are checking to see if there are any other wounds".
What!?! Wait, what did you say. Where are they taking you? Should I meet you there? Ok Bellevue Hospital, I'll be right there.
I spun around my house in a haze pulling on work clothes picked out the night before, grabbing my pre-packed bag. Running out the stairs, down the street, passed startled tourist milling about waiting for Bloomies to open.
I ran to Lexington headed downtown and waved down a taxi. I told him I was going to Bellevue, my husband had just been stabbed in the face, astonished that these words could make it out my lips between the sobs. Seconds later we were hurtling down the road er, flying faster than I ever had in a cab. The world was a blur of tears as I dialed my dad's cell.
My mom answered and I made her pass the phone to my dad, I was worried she would panic and not be able to explain. I managed to get out that Drake had been stabbed and was headed to the hospital and I was headed there to meet him.
My parents just happened to be in Queens visiting my brother and they hopped in a car and braved morning rush hour to meet us. I made it to the hospital emergency room and managed to figure out where to go. I walked past the paisley curtain and there was Drake, his white undershirt drenched in blood, face split open and bruised, my beautiful broken husband talking to the cops.
I burst into tears and so did he, I clung to him, devastated at what was and even more so by what could have been. I held him hard, so thankful that he made it through the ordeal even if he was a little worse for wear. The next hours passed in a blur of phone calls, hearing the story recounted again and again. Questions asked by cops, by nurses, by detectives, by sergeants, by social workers, endless recounting of the horrific tale.
The morning started as usual, Drake was running a little late, hopped the 4,5; picked up the pastries and walked into the shop to drop everything. When he got to the counter, he heard the door click. He turned and a man shouted, Get Down while brandishing a knife. He was startled but didn't want to be hidden behind the counter, so he came around and the guy attacked, stabbed him in the face and the arm and tried many more times to stab and kill him. They wrestled and the guy choked him and as Drake was about to lose consciousness, he recognized the guy and said, "Tim, what are you doing?". This made the guy stop. He directed Drake to put his hands together and tied him up, ran and grabbed the cash box and escaped.
We found out later that this person had prior arrests and is basically homeless. They still haven't found him. He's on the loose.
It's been horrific, exhausting, unbelievable really.
We're taking care of ourselves, taking it one day at a time.
Talking to the right people and trying not to implode.
It's hard to think about what could have been.
Drake's poor face and body are healing. The face is dented in but and is going to be scarred but it's getting better.
One day at a time.

New Digs

2010-08-30T16:42:00.002-04:00

We're finally in our new apartment!
It's a dream; no photos just yet.
We need to get internet first and then photos will come.
We're taking a much deserved trip to the beach next weekend and will hopefully be up and running next week.

Smoke on the Water

2010-08-27T11:20:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure why this song is stuck in my head today; perhaps it is because my dad is on my mind.
He really likes this song. It is one of about 5 or so that he aimlessly sings.
He also likes to tell the story of how the song came about.
Smoke on the water!
The story goes something like this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoke_on_the_Water (see History section).
Cheers to dads everywhere and the crazy things they do.
Love ya pops.

Nearly Homeless...

2010-08-24T17:19:00.005-04:00

This summer has been the hottest one on record for NY, and this city is no stranger to the Dog Days of summer, this is immortalized in the classic Marilyn Monroe film 'The Seven Year Itch' among others.

It was probably the unbearable heat that led me to make a snap decision to move out of our current apartment in Jersey City and hop the river to Manhattan. I finalized this decision 8/1 and gave notice. This gave us just 30 days to pack up, sort for storage/city, find a new place, rent a storage unit, move storage, move into city, and clean up/repair the old space.

We started our quest for the perfect apartment in the city. Our requirements were pretty simple. Clean, reasonably sized, high ceilings, decent windows. Wish list items were to fit our king size bed, have a decent closet, kitchen and bath.

Drake found Apt #1 (the small 1 bedroom), which we thought we had. We waited, and waited for 15 days only to never get confirmation. So the panic insued and mad dashing about the city apartment hunting began!

Drake then found Apt #2 (gorgeous, brand new reno), which happened to be owned by some rich guy that didn't like our application. (Boo). This took about a week to confirm.

By this time panic was really setting in.

I then remembered a sign that was posted in our neighborhood above this locally owned Italian restaurant that has the best pizza in NY for an apt. I gave them a call and long story short, a few days later nailed down our apt, lucky #3.

After much stress and prayers and tears and panic, we are finally set to move in, hopefully this weekend.

My two hour daily commute dropped to about 4 minutes round trip...and that's if I hit the light. :) I added it up and I have spent 2000 hours in the last few years commuting back and forth to my job; I'm not going to know what to do with all the extra hours in my days.

We will still have room for people to stay. It has a gigantic walk in closet, decent kitchen and bath. It is light and airy with lots of windows. And best of all, the king size bed and vintage couch & chair can come with us.

I will post photos soon of the new space; come out and visit!

The Great Unknown

2010-08-11T11:37:00.002-04:00

Drake and I gave notice on our current apartment Aug 1.
It was a leap of faith that we could finalize a new place in Manhattan prior to Sept 1within our budget, in a good location and still clean and a 'decent' size.
We found a place that we loved through a connection two days later on 8/3.
But now we are waiting and waiting to find out if we have it.
The uncertainty is jarring.
It is hard to be packing up all our things and not be certain of where we will be living.
It is harder still that we have fallen in love with the location of the new place and feel at home there.
It's a quiet neighborhood right next to a park, with a coffeeshop on the corner and blocks and blocks of excellent food and little shops.
I feel like it is our place, and I hate looking at other places while this is pending. I don't want to live elsewhere, but at this point with Sept 1 racing towards us, we need to find a backup.
Grudgingly I will look at new spaces but my heart hopes for the little apt on 9th street.
Fingers crossed and breath held.

Summertime and the living's easy

2010-07-11T21:42:00.005-04:00

I love summer. There's always something to do.
Excitement hides around every corner.
Recent excitement includes:
New exhibit at the Guggenheim
A film at the MOMA
Fancy sorbet on a stick at PopBar (yummy blood orange dipped in dark chocolate coated with hazelnut)
Free swimming in the W Village at a crystal pool
Date night at Zampas (a cool wine bar)
A stroll through Central and holding hands while reading our respective books
Brunch at smorgas, one of our fave little places with the roomie
And last but not least
Joining a gym and running a little over a mile and a half in 20 minutes. I realize for some of you runners out there that's not too much, but it certainly felt like a big deal to me.
Hooray let the fun continue!/

The Wanderlust

2010-07-10T14:24:00.002-04:00

I was reminded recently while perusing the story of an old forgotten dream. I used to dream of being an explorer before the world was charted and numbered and grid-ed. I remember envying the men that got into boats to sail to a 'New; World to see things that most of the world didn't even know existed. I imagined the gasps that they must have had gazing at the depths of the Grand Canyon and the awe of the Rockies. I wanted to be a pioneer heading out to a new land and new promise of earth and sky. I wanted to find something new, to name it, to own it, to be one of the first to experience and to tell others.
It seems the world is boxed into the known with sets of inexplicable rules, the times of great exploration and adventure are long gone.
I have had my moments of exploration, of breaking rules and breaking bounds and it is intoxicating.
Now I find myself stretching back to the past to find things lost and forgotten. Stories that have fallen beneath the cracks. I love exploring the unknown.
I once cleaned out someone's shed in England, and I loved pulling out scraps of fabric and long forgotten sketches wondering at the stories that lay tacked on to the detritus that could not be thrown away.
My mom recently found years of diaries that a man had written nearly every day of his life. And most of the things that he said were somewhat forgettable and he was certainly a man of few words. But as I glanced through them, I was astounded by the life within the pages, the long marriage marked at the end by just a few words, "Lost her, cried". Simple words, a simple man, a simple story lost to the ages.

Reality Check

2010-07-06T12:54:00.002-04:00

Fourth of July weekend Drake and I received a surprise invitation to join friends for an adventure in rural, upstate New York.
Upon arrival, my breath caugh in my throat as I gazed up into the pitch black night at a sky exploding with a million pinpricks of stars. We sat around a blazing flame telling stories, rattling the still night with punctures of laughter.
We wound our way through green fields and patchy black/white cows to a rustic state park and hiked up a rock strewn, dirt path under the sparkling sun up to an icy waterfall with massive rocks and clear wading pools. We picked our way among the rocks and dipped in and out of the icy water, letting the sun draw the water away and fill us with warmth. We hiked back to meet up with some friends at their campsite for sizzling meat and delicious sides fresh from the grill, and then we were off to the natural swimming pool.
As I sat in the back of the SUV hurtling back toward the city, my body ached and protested at my weekends excursions. I realized that instead of being able to swim to my heart's content, I was lucky to make a lap across the pool. I was winded by the short hike to the top of the mountain. In short, my body has been slowly devolving without notice.
I decided that it was time to take action and take back the bod. I've researched gyms and think I've found a good one to join; it's time to get my butt back in gear.
Wish me luck!

Memory locked in fingertips

2010-07-03T15:16:00.002-04:00

We've all heard the truism, "it's like riding a bike', but I've never given the saying much thought until today.
I was walking through City Hall Park and passed an interactive art display. It was a battered piano painted in tattoos of bright color open for playing by the public. I was drawn to the ivories although it's probably been since 6 year since my fingers have danced across any keys.
I sat down and was somewhat stymied. I stared at the black and white pattern in front of me and searched the recesses of my mind for the notes and rhythms that were once locked inside but accessible at a moments notice. I stammered through a few chords, and scales; exercises that were once as familiar as my morning yawn and stretch now foreign and choppy.
I started through another song hoping for the mind to remember while staring fixedly at the keys for inspiration that was completely absent.
And then as I found a note, 2 notes, 3, a chord and the music began, if badly, I looked up at the trees above me and my fingers took over for my brain. Suddenly the notes fell into place, my fingers remembered exactly what it was that was required of them. When I looked down and the brain took over, I faltered...every time. But when I allowed my eyes and my mind to wander, I found the song.

It reminded me of when I used to dance in college. It was hard for me not to try to take the lead. I think that this is a natural instinct for most women, particularly when they are with a partner that is uncertain of the lead. The only way for me to let go and allow the appropriate person to take over was to close my eyes. To allow the almighty and overused logic of the brain to take a backseat for a second and for the instinct of the muscle memory in the body to take over.

We lead with what we understand our strength to be, even when sometimes we should just close our eyes to play.

somewhere over the rainbow

2010-06-27T20:41:00.002-04:00

I find myself surrounded on a late, sultry Sunday afternoon ensconced in the scent of freshly baked peanut butter cookies with just a hint of cayenne that I popped from the raging oven moments ago. My mind is wandering across acres of memories wondering just how much what I perceived to be true actually was...is. And if it actually matters.
In the end analysis does it really matter?

I am hungry for answers that evade me in the summer heat. And I am wishing for a friend to drop by to have a cookie and a glass of lemonade and ponder the world with me.

If I Could Change the World...

2010-05-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

Drake and I started what we called the Project this Christmas.

Please see the below information regarding our project. We have a few opportunities to still get involved. If you are interested. Leave me a note and/or send me your address.

I have received one piece of the project back and am already blown away with the efforts. I hope that you are inspired to go out and be the change you want to see in the world.

NEW YORK WAS HARD HIT THIS YEAR, AS WAS THE REST OF THE COUNTRY AND EVEN THE WORLD ECONOMICALLY. WE SAT IN WHAT FELT LIKE THE EPICENTER AS INSTITUTIONS THAT SEEMED INVINCIBLE CRUMBLED TO DUST IN FRONT OF OUR EYES. WE WATCHED OUR FRIENDS LOSE JOBS AND WATCHED THE EFFECTS RIPPLE OUT IN SHOCK WAVES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, HITTING VERY HARD PEOPLE ON THE FRINGES, LIKE ARTIST AND CREATIVE TYPES.

IN LIGHT OF THIS, WE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
IT IS HARD FOR TWO PEOPLE WITH LIMITED RESOURCES OF TIME, ENERGY, AND MONEY TO MAKE MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE, SO WE DECIDED TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY, BREAK IT INTO ENVELOPES, SEND IT TO OUR FRIENDS, AND SEE WHAT THEY COULD DO FOR OTHERS. WE HAVE INCLUDED APPROXIMATELY 40 FRIENDS & FAMILY IN THIS ENDEAVOR.

WE INVITE YOU TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR ART PROJECT. YOU WILL RECEIVE AN ENVELOPE THAT CONTAINS A DENOMINATION OF CASH (A $50, $20, $10, $5, $1). THE RULES ARE SIMPLE, YOU CAN’T SPEND IT ON YOURSELF OR YOUR FAMILY. YOU MUST LOOK FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE IT TO SOMEONE WHO REALLY NEEDS IT. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ADD YOUR TIME AND ENERGY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR CREATIVITY. IF YOU MUST, YOU MAY ADD A LITTLE CASH OF YOUR OWN, ALTHOUGH IT IS CERTAINLY NOT REQUIRED.

ALL WE ASK IN RETURN IS THAT YOU WRITE DOWN YOUR STORY. TELL US WHAT YOU DID WITH THE MONEY AND YOUR TIME. WE HOPE THAT YOU LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO GIVE BACK AND SPREAD LOVE AROUND. AND BE CREATIVE IN THE PROCESS!

I KNOW THAT GETTING SMALL AMOUNTS OF MONEY MAY SEEM INSIGNIFICANT, BUT IF YOU ADD A LITTLE TIME, YOU CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE... FOR INSTANCE, WHAT IF YOU BOUGHT COFFEE & A DONUT FOR A HOMELESS PERSON AND SPENT 5 MINUTES REALLY TALKING TO THEM, CONNECTING, SEEING THEM AS A PERSON? OR WHAT IF YOU BOUGHT A MEAL FOR THE PERSON BEHIND YOU IN LINE. SMALL THINGS MATTER.

IF YOU DECIDE THIS PROJECT IS NOT FOR YOU, FEEL FREE TO RETURN THE $, NO JUDGMENTS.

HOWEVER, WE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO PARTICIPATE WITH US. WE HOPE TO COMPILE ALL OF THE STORIES INTO A VISUAL ART PROJECT.
INSPIRE US!

Deadline to return the project entries: Halloween!

Goodbye Momma's Little Monster (Baby)

2010-05-06T20:47:00.004-04:00

How do you say goodbye?
I've loved this creature (person) for so long
That I have forgotten life before.
Words can't wrap around the emptiness
The aching sadness
The loss.
Buried under the apple tree
With my heart wrapped up beside.
Goodbye my friend
I hope you know how much I loved you
and missed you
And will miss you always.

Typical Saturday

2010-05-02T01:13:00.009-04:00

Today was a day like any other. Woke up and had overslept. Whoops, but it's Saturday and that stuff is okay on the weekends.
Met up with old friends for a brunch at a new place that my roomie Christine works called the 'New French'.
Ate delicious food:
French press coffee
Baguette's toasted with savory butter and peach jam
Crepe with salmon and creme fraiche with greens on the side
also happily stole nibbles of Drake's fries and bacon

Wandered with Drake around the quaint, tree-lined streets of the W Village dreaming about places we would like to snatch up to start a business and a million places we'd like to live.
Called to get estimates on said business location and potential future homes, mostly just dreaming and scheming though.
Found lovely privately owned gardens that are open to the public to stroll through and was delighted by the peaceful respite and space for contemplation.
We stumbled into a second hand store with impeccable clothes and lots of options in my size. Bought a classic Black Armani jacket for $15 and only spent a total of $50 on 2 evening dresses, the jacket, and a cute plaid picnic shirt. Pretty good I gotta say.
We were then off to buy bread, cheese, jam, chocolate and orangina for an impromptu picnic in Washington Sq Park.
While eating our delicious fare, we observed the fashion and personalities that traipsed through the park in a constant stream of color.
We moseyed on to make our way to the other side of the island to visit the opposing village.
And found a little Mexicana joint with tasty Margaritas and chips/guacamole,/salsa combo for a little afternoon nosh.
Then we were off wandering again observing vibrant storefronts and textured window displays and noticed lots of interesting hats on passersby. We later discovered that today was the Kentucky Derby. Unfortunately we didn't remember this early enough and did not have hats of our own. Alas this must wait for next year.
We were on our way to purchase some ground coffee when we discovered that one of our favorite little restaurants was having an afternoon special. So, we dropped in for some fresh oysters and homemade hot sauce with Sage Infused Sparkling Wine on the side. Drake had boring beer.
As we were leaving the 'Belcourt', we ran into friends of ours that were eating at the same place and stopped to chat and catch up. On the way to the train we passed my favorite store with vintage inspired clothing, and I had to drop back by to pick up the bathing suit that I had found on a previous outing. It was there and was the last one in stock, so I bought it. Hooray, bathing suit situation covered.
Then we were off again to buy coffee at Kaffe 1668. Couldn't just buy coffee without drinking it, so we had some 'Joe" before heading out. As we sipped we were discussing the book 'fahrenheit 451' which I recently read and Drake is nearly finished with. (It's excellent, you should read it). And I told him that the next book he should read is 'brave new world'. I then realized that I didn't own a copy, as it is one that I picked up at the library, and we decided to pop across the street to the book store and remedy the situation.
After book store browsing it was off to la casa. We made it back in record time, and I was super excited to try on my new finds and have a mini photo shoot. (Drake was less thrilled about this and didn't even let me finish, pout).
And finally we closed out the day by cuddling and watching two movies that I had fallen asleep during on 3 separate occasions. (Not b/c they were bad, but rather because I've been awfully tired lately.) Finally made it through the end of both without falling asleep (possibly due to over-caffeination?
I am now writing an entry at 1.30 in the morning and who knows when I'll finally be able to drift away to dream land.
Yet it was a lovely day, with a veritable poo poo platter of fascinating food, people, architecture, and new discoveries, the best of all things.

Sometimes Whilst Swaying on Trains, I scribble

2010-04-09T15:43:00.003-04:00

Child/Prophet
4-5-6
(hidden on subway car)
manhatton --- brooklyn

Furrowed brow
Obsidian eye
Shreiking skin

Find a way
To be
Outside flesh

Valium.
Sedation.
Silence.

Slap. Smack. Slap.
Pavement grinds
Earthy Parchment Flecks
Seeking solace.

Gravity in motion
Peeling away
Laws of confinement
Restriction

Hard to BE ----------------
(Selah)
Chasing tomorrows
And endless yesterdays

Words cascade down
Shattering
the silent grace.

Rest & vindications
Arrows' at the ready
Sword raised.

Esconsed in solititude
the lines of distinction
Shudder And dissolve

Mysterious shrouded
Stranger prognosticates
on crooked rooftops

Vines push endlessly
through concrete
separating what is

And what could BE.

Insomnia-and-Stress?

2010-03-22T01:48:00.003-04:00

It's almost 2am and I can't sleep. It's not caffeine. It's not from napping. I wasn't feeling well today, so maybe my body is just confused. But honestly, this is ridiculous. I have way too much going on to not sleep. I think it's stress. I worked on catching up on things today...and there's definitely more to do. This week and next are going to be painful. I'm shooting for April 1. I'm pushing for the goal, and hopefully soon, I will sleep. Like a baby, or better yet like a dog.
Sweet dreams; this is what I hope to dream of...

a perfect day

2010-03-22T01:20:00.010-04:00

Every now and then a perfect day comes along. Saturday was one of those days. It was a beautiful, sunny, no cloud in the sky,kind of day.
Drake and I wandered around Jersey City for a bit, doing some of those necessary things...dropping dry cleaning, mailing packages and exploring little shops and stoops along the way.
We then headed into the city, bought hot dogs from the street and hung out in city hall park to eat and people watch. It was pretty interesting to see what everyone was wearing and to make up stories about there lives.
It was then on to DUMBO, where we visited one of our favorite little wine shops, explored some fun, arty kids shops and local interior design places. We thought about stopping at Grimaldi's for their famous pizza pies but we decided that 3 hours was far too long to wait...especially when Drake's pies are so genius! Perhaps one day we'll check them out but for now we assume that it's all just hype. :)
We then made our way down to the water to sun ourselves on the rocks. It was amazing how crowded a little sunny strip of rock sandwiched between two bridges could be. It was super noisy, but totally fun!
We then found a really pretty place that was affordable to grab some appetizers and a drink. We actually ran into one of Drake's friends that he knew for G'boro...it's so funny how that happens sometimes.
Then we were off to Washington Sq Park for photo shoot time. The sun was pretty low when we arrived but we still managed to catch a few good shots. And we saw the coolest artist creating a mandala with sand that he held in his hand. He was incredible.
We then tried to go see Alice in 3-D but it was sold out...
So we moseyed around the village, drank egg creams (a NY special beverage) and found a very cool dress shop with vintage inspired clothes. Drake patiently passed me different sizes and dresses. I'm pretty sure that I tried on almost every outfit in the place. I only walked out with one, though. It's really pretty and classic.
We wrapped up the night with a walk through SOHO checking out the amazing shop windows and drooling over all the fashion, well some of it. And of course we were people watching.
It was that perfect day without an agenda. We relaxed, we daydreamed, we watched, we talked, we laughed. It was pure happiness.

craving...

2010-02-19T19:31:00.004-05:00

It's been a bit of a rough week with work. I'm feeling run down and craving comfort food. Something greasy, heavy satisfying... and quick.
But with the new food thing, I can't stop at fast food, in fact, I can't even go to Quiznos or Subway. I was tempted all the way home, but I managed to resist.
Now I am sitting at home alone eating
Cultural Revolution Vanilla Organic Yogurt and toast with home made thyme butter...
I have to say it's good but definitely not hitting the spot.
Where is my chef husband when I need him!
Snark.

Butter!

2010-02-17T22:20:00.003-05:00

I love butter!
And I've been obsessing about making it myself since we started this new food thing...

So I found this super cool site: http://www.cookingforengineers.com/article/113/Making-Butter and went for it tonight.

And you'll never believe, but it was super easy!!

We have a kitchen aid mixer, so that made it a little simpler but I would totally recommend trying it out even if you don't have one.

It was incredible to watch the different phases the milk product passes through and then to see that flash of creation when it splits and becomes something new.

And wow is flavored butter amazing.
I've been in love with strawberry butter for a long time.
But really you can put about anything it.
We put in some thyme and salt....and it just tastes heavenly, so creamy and fresh.

I can't wait to toast up some bread and watch it melt away...
Yum, think I may need a snack right now!

The food revolution

2010-02-14T08:34:00.003-05:00

So far the food revolution has been kind of amazing.
We definitely haven't figured things out 100%,
But we are trying at every opportunity to make better,
Smarter choices.
And it really seems to be paying off.
I haven't had a coke in nearly a month,
And I'm surprisingly ok with that. I had an opportunity to change that this weekend, and I didn't even really desire it. Weird.
I've had more than the required 64 ounces of water every day for a week...
This is probably the most water I've consumed in any given week ever.
Eating well makes me feel better.
Exercising control over my desires makes me feel so much better about other areas of my life too.
It's been very challenging to find the right things,
It took about 3 hours the last time we grocery shopped and read every single label, ugh.
But that part is going to get better.
I hope!
I found a farm close to our Princeton office that I work in every couple of weeks that I think we are going to buy some really good meat from!
The adventure continues...

un-valen tines

2010-02-13T22:55:00.004-05:00

Annual un-valentines party

Surrounded by beloved friends, that are family.
Eating excellent pasta, playing poker
Remembering what was and is.
Surrounded by honesty and tradition
Encircled in the warmth of past and the surprising slap of new
Life is ever a reminder that we can't remain the same
That we must change
Must evolve
That the boundaries we set up for ourselves are illusive
Change is good
Change scares us
It forces us to question all that is and was
But in the end. we know that a safety net lies beneath us
It allows us the permission to fall
We will be caught
Even if we fail
By the friends and family
That we choose
That surround us and hold the net
Even when we make foolish choices
And we fall

They stand beneath us
Ready to catch the pieces
Because they know
And they love us
Regardless

That is love
That is family
That is friendship

They give us space to live and love
And occasionally to topple

It is the best thing we have to offer each other
The opportunity to fail and yet be loved and accepted

Life teaches us to be nothing less for one another...

To Master or not

2010-02-05T19:14:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is about the months leading up to spring, but it gets the wheels of my mind turning towards what is coming next.
Perhaps it is my eagerness for the change of season,
Or perhaps it is just variant restlessness that settles upon me.
Whatever the case, it has occurred to me (once again) that I would like to go back to school for my Masters.
I looked today and found that NYU just so happens to offer a Masters degree in I/O Psychology,
which is exactly what I would like to study.
But NYU is ridiculously expensive
And it would mean juggling a full time job (sometimes more than full time)
And a part time graduate school course load
Oh yeah, and I would have to take the GRE *ugh
Is it worth it?
Should I do it?

Who knows
But it's in consideration!

I'll keep you posted!

Dandelion dreams

2010-02-03T16:29:00.003-05:00

It is time for dandelion dreams
Tripping down memories shadowy lanes
And meeting old friends

This is the time and the year
For things to come together
And some things to fall away

Dreams are lovely
And morphous as mercury
Shifting with hardly
The whisper of thought

Dreams change and reform
Though new and different
The past truths
Are held structuraly sound

In the end it
Was always you

April showers...

2010-02-03T16:27:00.003-05:00

It seems that
April will bring more than just showers this year.
My beautiful, artistic, creative friend
Is going to stretch her wings
And fly north
To live dance with the big city

AND
She's going to come
And live with me
In a bright little nest

I hold my breath
And Hope
And wait and count the days
Til Spring

Mad World

2010-02-03T16:23:00.002-05:00

I really like this song.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

What's in your fridge?

2010-02-03T16:13:00.003-05:00

Drake & I watched the movie Food, Inc. and were totally inspired to transform our eating habits. It's something that we have been thinking about for awhile and this film gave us the firm kick in the seat of the pants that we needed.

The plan is to not eat/buy anything with preservatives (or those crazy derivatives that you can't pronounce and are a bit scary!).

So basically, that means that we can eat...um, not very much.

We pretty much have used up all of the items that fall into that category, and believe me the list is ridiculously long and includes some of my favorite things in life, ahem, pickles, coke... and most hot sauces! What shall I do?!?

We're going to be shopping the perimeters of grocery stores and looking for opportunities to utilize food coops, local markets, and maybe even buy part of a pig (which I have to admit seems odd to me).

Anyway, wish us luck! Let me know if you have any advise to help us on our way or any good, simple recipes that fall into this category.

Bon Appetit?

Dancing in a new decade

2010-01-01T16:55:00.003-05:00

As I sit and watch the snow drift down out the window of this antique home, I am astounded by the changes the last ten years have brought.
I have loved and I have lost.
I have learned and I have taught.
I have risked and I have gained.
And always love has found me,
It has come unfailingly from old friends and new
It has leaked around the edges,
Sometimes thought lost, but often refound
I am happy for the hard won friendships
For the sacrifices made
For the cities discovered
For moments travelled
Even when lost
I delight that I am in the home of a friend found
Surrounded by my second family
Loved
I look forward to the new year, decade, life
And the unexpected changes it will bring
I have many plans and hopes
I know that I am safe
And I am loved
No matter where the road may lead.

Nothing Ventured...

2009-12-23T08:10:00.003-05:00

Failure sucks.

But trying new things means accepting a measure of failings

Growth has it's own learning curve

I hated speaking Spanish in high school because I could hear the failure

Instead of embracing and overcoming

I avoided

And stubbornly resisted

Now I speak little to no Spanish...and am going to Spain (eek)

I wish that I had risked a little bit more

I wish that I had been willing to fail, to sound silly, to be embarrassed

I want so much to be perfect

Yet perfection causes so much discord

It forces a 'right' answer, even when there may not be one

It causes endless stress and disillusion.

This year I've embraced new things:

Big work projects, hosting Christmas, planning a European adventure to name a few

And in all of them

I've had to accept a little (sometims a lot) of failure

But I've learned so many valuable things

I've grown and will do all of the above better, differently in the future

Perfection is rarely created

It usually happens when we are not thinking about it

When we are just being

In the moment

Together

Connected

I hope to risk more in the next year

To venture hope

To venture love, even when it seems foolish

To write letters, even though my handwriting makes me ashamed

And sometimes when I look back at them,

I am embarrassed by what I wrote

It's ok

I'm human

I do silly things

And make mistakes

And when I am old and rocking in a chair

It won't matter that I wasn't perfect

It will matter that I loved abundantly

The only way I know how

Which is sometimes messy

And human

And imperfect.

Merry Christmas,

Love to all!

Gingerbread House Crumbles

2009-12-17T10:27:00.003-05:00

What can you say in the face of devastating sorrow; what words are there for the senseless loss of a child when the ghosts of laughter echo and swirl with dancing steps?
When Christmas brings a tiny body laid out on a cold table under knife and glass instead of tucked safely in bed, warm cuddled with fuzzy bear in arm and dreams of magic and fairies.
What do you say when life is stolen, unexpectedly, callously out of your tight grasp?
When your hands clasp empty air full of hollow memories already growing stale and frail.
What do you do?
What comfort is there to be found in these days of sorrow?

This has been a year of great joy, and even greater sorrow.
Trajedy twists the heart and the pen.
Life is fragile and every single moment matters.
To my friends and family,
I shout from the depths of my soul,
I love you, you matter, I'll miss you when you're gone.
Because life is tenuous and floats on a razor edge.

Savor: Tuggin the soul and tasting the honey

2009-09-17T11:07:00.004-04:00

Words move me.
It is not uncommon for me to devour 3,4,5,etc. books in a week.
And I love reading blogs written by riends, some I've never even met but have grown to love. I am inspired, encouraged, moved.
Believe me when I say, if you post something, I will read it, probably within a day or two that you post it. If you haven't sent me your blog, do!
One blog that I stumbled across and just started reading posted the below prayer and commentary. To say that I was deeply moved is an understatement.
Savor!

Prayer by George MacLeod
found on the blog http://www.reallivepreacher.com/

It is not just the interior of these walls,
It is our own inner beings you have renewed.
We are your temple not made with hands.
We are your body.
If every wall should crumble, and every church decay,
We are your habitation.

Nearer are you than breathing.
Closer than hands and feet.
Ours are the eyes with which you, in the mystery,
Look out in compassion on the world.

So we bless you for this place, for your directing of us,
Your redeeming of us, and your indwelling.
Take us outside the camp, Lord, outside holiness,
Out to where soldiers gamble, and thieves curse,
And nations clash at the cross-roads of the world.
So shall this building continue to be justified.

Commentary by http://www.reallivepreacher.com/

"Our decision to use George MacLeod’s wonderful prayer came from an honest hope that in the future, the center of our community would be God and people, and not our building. As much as I love our quiet refuge in the woods, a building is always a danger for a church. A building draws attention to itself. The demands and upkeep of a building are always threatening to take a greater portion of a church’s energy and resources. Because of this, it is the duty of a church to care for its building and be thankful for it, but also to hold it somewhat at arm’s length."

I hope that this moved you as well!

Suzy Homemaker, I am not!

2009-09-10T09:40:00.005-04:00

Perhaps you have been able to glean from my previous postings that meander aimlessly from topic to topic that I am not an accomplished housekeeper.
I have never been very good at the philosophy of bite-sized pieces (no matter how much Ms V encouraged us to use that method); it is not the way that my brain works. I excel at projects.
Give me the task of organizing a closet and I will break it down, problem solve, and put it back together in ship-shape. Even a large,multi-faceted project will be broken down into small projects, but never vile daily repetitive actions.
This daily, straightening, cooking, laundry, scrubbing, sweeping, mopping, etc, etc, etc, the tasks that endlessly repeat in monosyllabic cycles that drone on into eternity bore me and don't provide enough substance as a project to sink my teeth into.
My best friend, almost since birth, is the opposite. She is the one that would study a little bit every night and by the end have accumulated a mass of knowledge. I would listen attentively in class(most of the time), participate and debate, and then the night before the test immerse myself in my notes recalling the conversations held in class for an hour or so or better yet play quiz game in study hall and call it a day.
In the grade on the curve Bible memorization, she would memorize 5 verses a day, I would come in with 30 verses memorized and promptly ignore it for weeks when I noticed that my line of heart stickers was falling behind. At the end, she beat me by probably 100 verses, but we both managed to memorize an astounding amount of Biblical content, something around 600 verses on top of the standards that everyone memorized (Ps. 91, Eph. 6 (armor of God anyone), Ps. 91, 139, 100, 1, etc, and of course the penultimate (I CAN do all things in Christ, I can DO all things in Christ, I can do ALL things through Christ, etc).
Oh and don't EVEN get me started on cooking, which we have tacitly agreed that I won't do, other than the occasional veggie chopping. Although I do make a killer, spicy cheese dip, mmm. Actually Mexican food in general I can pull off pretty successfully, probably b/c it's all a variation on a theme.
Some things in life work better systematically, done daily, instead of being ignored and left to pile up into mountains until you have no appropriate clean underwear for work, which unless I am mistaken I am down to my last pair.
Sometimes I feel like there SHOULD be someone home 100% of the time to manage the home b/c frankly there is a whole bunch of stuff to manage. People who think that Professional Home Managers (aka mommas) don't work and have the easy life are completely out of their MINDS! MY mom was a PHM, and she worked harder than about anyone I know, in the office or out. PHM's do work that requires top quality effort every single day, and they do it for the most part without PAY, RECOGNITION, APPRECIATION, or HELP. They do it out of LOVE, even when it's hard and frustrating and they feel helpless and alone. I know how long I would last at a job with the above qualifications.
This typically long and winding post is not just about who I have always been, but it is also about who I would like to become.
Now, I'm most likely never going to be that little bit at a time person, it's just not in my genetic wiring, BUT, I want to work on leaning a little more in that direction, in getting things a little more under control, in planning ahead and organizing in order to reduce marathon cleaning sessions, empty fridges, and days without clean underwear.
I don't want to change the core of who I am, but I want to adapt a little and learn from the amazing friends around me who have so many gifts and wisdom to share. I am better person for knowing them, and though I may never be Suzy Homemaker, I can at least be her working 'little sister' who learns new things along this journey called life.

BTW: Now that I have both of my winner's addresses, I plan to send out the gifts this weekend. Bon Appetit

Ladies & Gentlemen: The winners are:

2009-09-04T08:41:00.002-04:00

Congrats you guys!
I hope that these books are both as marvelous as the movie...
You'll have to let me know if you attempt any of the recipes and how they turn out!
Maybe one day in the future, when the movie comes out to dvd land, I give one of those away too...hmm, what do you think?
Alright, so if you ladies would be so kind as to send me your addresses (you can send to my email if you would prefer to keep them private, ps_91@hotmail.com), I would be delighted to get your rewards on their way!
I enjoyed reading your stories and was reminded of similar moments of chaos in the kitchen. Thank goodness I married a chef, or else I would probably starve!
Mostly time in the kitchen reminds me of giggles and chatting and friends. I make for an excellent assistant in the kitchen, as long as I don't have to go anywhere near raw meat (ew) or anything with head still attached i.e. fish, ick!
I'm going to keep this one short, as the holiday weekend is creeping up around the corner, but I would like to mention one thing.
This morning as I was driving out to Princeton (I work at that office twice a month) the horizon was filled with the pulsing orb of a full moon sinking down into the bright green, rolling hills, while in my rearview mirror, the sun was just creeping up illuminating the New York City skyline in pinks and golds.
Breathtaking!

Who doesn't like free stuff???

2009-08-20T17:36:00.004-04:00

I've never done a give-away before, but I think they are fun so I've decided to do one.
I recently watched Julie & Julia & absolutely loved every second of it; it was exquisite and Meryl Streep was perfection!
I haven't read the book yet, but would like to...
So, I would like to do an online book club of sorts for this book. If you're interested leave a comment below with an amusing cooking/kitchen anecdote, either your own experience (preferred) or someone you know.
I'll randomly choose one of the comments for each of the prizes, which will be, drumroll please:

A copy of Julia & Julia (the book)
A copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking Vol 1

I hope that the book is as marvelous as the film, and I highly recommend that everyone go out and see it. I can't wait to watch it again!

Hope to hear from all of you soon!

Note: You need to submit your response no later than September 1, 2009. Can't wait to hear your stories! :)

The 'book club' plan:

We'll break J&J into 4 sections.
We'll have 2 wks to read a section.
At the end of the 2 wks everyone will be welcome to submit a question for 'discussion'. I will post a question or 2 on each section.
Then everyone will have 1 wk to respond, then we'll start the next section.
So, 3 weeks total for each section should take us 12 wks to get through it.
You game?

Celebrations

2009-08-20T09:15:00.004-04:00

I love an excuse to celebrate and this year our family has had a lot of them. Please be warned that I am very proud of my family, and I'm really not bragging, but my perspective might be a tiny bit skewed, as they are my family !

-Caleb is getting married to a lovely girl, also named Ashley in October, and I couldn't be more delighted to have a sister joining the crew as mom and I are woefully outnumbered. And she is really exceptional; I think he has chosen well. I can't wait to have her added to our growing ranks!

-My parents celebrated 30 years of being continuously married & in love...even when they didn't like each other very much! (Which seems to be one of the secrets of happy, long-term marriages.) It is such a profound blessing to watch their relationship as it has developed, changed, and grown through the years. They are an inspiration. I only hope that through the years Drake and I will follow their example and weave the beauty and pain into a tapestry worthy of a king. Love and marriage are hard things to do well, and to their credit they have excelled. Not to say that it was always easy or they were always experts or that they never had a fight. But they have taken those hardships and shared the heartache and bound themselves tighter together. They are constantly changing and evolving and becoming better people because of each other, for each other. I am in awe and so greatful.

-My dad is celebrating 50 years of life. He and my mom are in the midst of a fantastic trip driving around exploring the great north west in my mom's little convertible. From what I hear it's been a pretty great trip so far! It's the longest vacation my dad has ever taken. I think it's great that he is being rewarded for all of the time and energy that he has poured out into others through both his business and his personal life throughout the years. So many people would not be the same if it were not for him! He is a well-spring of wisdom and knowledge, all of us kids and probably a lot people in general know that they can go to my dad for all kinds of information and sage advise, which he gives generously. He is hardworking, reliable, genuine, kind, gracious, quirky, the best of all things. He was the kind of dad that patiently explained the algebra homework to me late at night in a way that made sense and stuck (at least at the time), even if it was late and it often was. He taugh us how to ride motorcycles and to really appreciate the outdoors. He took me to all the father daughter events and made me feel both special and beautiful in the way that only a father can. I'm so proud of my dad, the man that he has become. I'm proud of the example and leader that he's been in the community for doing the right thing, even when it's hard or unpopular. And for the supportive and loving husband that he's been for my mom. He's a great guy,; you'd be lucky to get to know him.

-Josh, my oldest brother, turned 30 this year! He really seems to have reached his stride. He has had a plethora of diverse experiences and challenges that have enabled him to be an exceptional person. He is successful in his career, in part because he knows how to connect with others, to listen to them, to be empathetic, and to help them. He goes out of his way to invest time with our grandma, who lost my grandpa a few years ago and my uncle, who has some severe disabilities due to a car accident early in his life. He has learned to be thoughtful and considerate. He has opened the door for new possibilities by returning to school, and I'm excited to see where his life goes in the next 5-10 years!

-My 5 year college reunion, my 10 year high school reunion, and my 10 year DTS, YWAM reunion are all this year. It is hard to believe that so much time has passed and so much has happened. I am excited to get together with the old DTS crew and catch up on life! It's great to look back and remember the happy memories, the people that I have adored (and still adore), and to reconnect a little. Life is short but vivid!

So many reasons to celebrate family and friends!
Bring on the dessert!

Standing in the sunlight laughing...

2009-08-19T17:18:00.002-04:00

IT makes my heart melt like butter to see an older couple walking down the street holding hands. I imagine all the secret moments shared between them, the whispers, the longing, the ache of separation, the intimacy, the loneliness, the ecstasy and the sorrow that mingles and blends life together like a perfectly prepared meal. I linger for a moment thinking of a shared life, a oneness that comes as marital relationships age.

The longer I am married, the more I am humbled by it's mystery and complexity, and I am in awe of those that have lived and loved and shared their life fully with another. It's profound and heart-stopping, jaw-droppingly beautiful.
I hope you catch these moments too, and they take your breath away.

MY ODE to the NYPL

2009-08-19T17:08:00.002-04:00

Did I mention that I am a card holder and obsessed user of the New York Public Library?
The closest branch is less than a block from my office, which is ideal, luxurious, and at times distracting. I am an avid reader, and have seemingly increased my voracious capacities for the ‘sport’ during my 2 hour daily, round trip commute. Needless to say, I have plowed through a lot of literature, and re-read more books than I care to mention.
The proximity of this library is a preventative measure to my visiting an adorable little book store called Argosy books (about 3 blocks from the office) or Barnes & Noble (about 5 blocks from the office) and spending my hard earned dollars on more books. Not only am I delighted with the miniscule distance of this small sanctuary, but I am overwhelmed with the capabilities, function, and extensive options available.
For instance, I can put any book, movie, cd on my hold list and it will be shipped to the most convenient location for me to pick up at my leisure. And this marvelous city has everything: obscure book titles, new movies, old movies, music of all genres and ages. The world is quite literally at my fingertips. And added to all this glory, there is a cherry on the top, I can return anything to any library in Manhattan! Bliss!
Cheers to all the Nerds out there that read right along with me; if you make it out to visit I’ll take you to my favorite library in the city. It’s heavenly.
Oh, they even have a Library themed hotel (one day I plan to stay there!).

Hopping the Pond

2009-08-15T10:26:00.004-04:00

Drake and I have big plans for a big trip.
Like most most things we do in life, it's pretty ambitious.
Drake's never hopped the pond, and I've never been to most of these places.
What an adventure!
We've got the beginnings of an itinerary that makes my heart skip a bit to think about.
London, Scotland, Brighton, Holmstead Manor, Paris (on my birthday), Montpelier, Figueres, and Barcelona, ah what a lovely refrain! It dances through my mind and touches my lips with a smile.
Oh the places we'll go, the food we'll eat, the people we'll meet along the way.
We are excited to take the sleeper train to Scotland, to cuddle in front a warm fire in a distant inn sipping wine and telling secrets.
The food in France is a warm welcoming light calling us home. And really, what could be more romantic for a birthday celebration than eating warm croissants, strolling down the seine, indulging in a four hour dinner, and retiring to a quaint Parisian hotel for the evening?
We can't wait to get lost, to explore, to try new things, to discover and laugh our way across continents, countries, and cultures.
I promise to take photos, although it's hard to capture the moments (sometimes I wish I had a photographer). And to write a bit.
I'm sure there will be more to come on this planning, as it seems to be the on my mind a lot.
Please journey with us vicariously!

Under Pressure: Da Dah Dah Da De DA DUM

2009-08-14T19:39:00.002-04:00

Look who's back from her summer hiatus! It's been a long glorious summer so far, and I'm excited to ride on out until Labor Day (which is a camping wknd this year, hooray!) At some point, I may get around to documenting some of the fun, but I've really enjoyed embracing the moments and trying hard not to worry about getting the moments on film or paper.
In that vein, I have a subject that I would like to address today:

It was another crushing commute slammed simultaneously against the backside of a large gassy man, a woman who's hair was reacting to the severe humidity we've been 'blessed' with this August that kept reaching out and touching me, and a screaming child who wanted nothing more than to touch my interesting tights. Needless to say, I was zoning out hard core to the music pumping serenely from my purple ipod (the love of my life) and trying not to lose it when a thought occured to me.
I put a whole of pressure on myself. To me this was a bit of a novel idea, perhaps it was the intensity of the situation that put things into focus. It may also be that I found a list of goals (about 100 of them) that I would like to achieve over the next year to be a better, more well-rounded person. I realized that I have these lofty expectations of myself to be perfect, always. And, as I'm sure all of my readers are aware, I am far, far from perfect, which effectively means, that I feel guilty and stressed a whole lot.
I realize that some measure of self-expectation is important, otherwise nothing gets done. But as a woman, I think we all put way too much stress on ourselves to be perfect.
I need to take a step back and realize that I don't have to be a superstar at keeping in touch with everyone, I don't have to look like I stepped out of a fasion shoot every day on my way to work, I don't always need to say yes at work...sometimes it's good to say no.
The house is not going to blow up if it's a little messy. Our lives won't fall apart if the laundry isn't always done. It's okay if the books aren't organzied, wait scratch that...that one actually does matter to my happy meter. :)
You get what I mean though, right?
I don't always need to be right, or on time, or communicate effectively, or keep the house perfect, or keep my relationships perfect.
I need to do the very best job that I can do, at the times that are appropriate to focus on these jobs. I need a balanced lifestyle and I need to be okay if something slips through the cracks.
Because it happens to me, it happens alot.
I hope you can relate. Life can be a big challenge sometimes, and we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves.
Thanks for reading; love to hear your thoughts on the matter:

The bridge photos

2009-05-04T23:22:00.006-04:00

Some photos of the bridge in the previous post, enjoy! More photos of our travels to follow...

What I really meant to write

2009-05-04T22:52:00.003-04:00

I'm just now getting around to write what I had intended to write when I started out. That happens to me, a lot actually.
Anyway, I'm going to keep this brief, because it's getting late and the boys in my life are already snoring.
I wanted to mention this weekend, because we went on an adventure.
It was Drake's birthday, and we have been itching to get out of town for awhile. We can both only go so long without really being in nature.
So, we rented a Zipcar (which is brilliant!) and happened to be a canary yellow mini cooper converitble. We picked up our wheels late Friday and started out early Saturday for wherever the road may lead.
We made a quick stop at DD (dunkin donuts, my friend) for some caffeine...and a donut or two and sped off toward the unknown. We spent the day exploring, stopping when something struck our fancy. We found a shattered piano that had clearly been rotting away in the elements for quite some time, we found a rough hewn bridge, missing a few slats, and a path closely covered by trees that seemed to lead to a fairie village. It was peaceful to lay on the slatted bridge and listen to the brook babbling below us. to soak in the sun, and read the pages of a well-worn book aloud. It was nothing, yet it was everything.
We had no idea where we were, what state we were in. We had no agendas, no phones, no maps. We looked at everything with our eyes wide open, nothing. no blinders of expectation on. It felt good to just be, and be together. To look at the world around us, the bright blue sky above with cotton candy clouds, and the vibrant, verdant green trees criss-crossing far above our heads. We went to places that only locals ever see; we got lost and we found more than if we had been searching. I love the road less travelled; I love the adventure of the unknown and the unexpected. I like taking away the constraints of an agenda so that I am not thinking about what's next but thinking about what's happening right in that moment.
'Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail'
It may not be your idea of a vacation or holiday, but for Drake and I with our busy lives ruled by train schedules and work schedules and life schedules, it was a breath of fresh air. We felt free, if only for a moment. Free to do anything, free to conquer the world.

The tale of the little red couch...

2009-05-04T22:25:00.002-04:00

There once was a small, bright red couch, and it was beautiful. I had never before seen such a beautiful couch, and I just knew that it would be the perfect addition to my room. It didn't bother me in the slightest that my room was slighty packed with furniture as it was, mere details!
So, I talked my mom into it; love at first sight is such a rare thing after all! So we paid the money, I think something in the range of $40, and we packed it up in the van and carted it home. My very practical dad and grandmother both had strong reactions to the purhcase as well; however, there were reactions were far less enthusiastic. My dad flatly refused to bring it into the house! Somehow I coerced someone to help me carry it in, probably one of my siblings and promptly began devising schemes or how to best utilize it. It was perfect!
The couch happily resided in my room at home for several years, and I happily returned whenever possible. Ar one point, my couch was on loan temporarily to my brother while he was in college, but when I took a road trip with my college roomie (and one of my favorite people on the planet) in her parent's suburban back to Kansas, my brother fortuitously had found a replacement, thus we decided to throw, or probably more correctly, jam that little red couch right into the back of that SUV. Then, once it made it safely down the long road back to Pennsylvania, we had to figure out a way to cram it into a very small dorm room, one that happened to be jam packed already with a futon, 2 dressers, 2 desks, 2 beds, a fridge, a tv, you name it... Needless to say, it took some careful planning, but we managed it. And oddly, the friendly couch seemed the perfect fit; we couldn't imagine life without it. Of course, we weren't able to rearrange at all afterwards, because there was literally only one way that it would work! And work it did, as we hosted many, many of our college friends that labeled our room the black hole of procrastination; we kept up a nice steady stream of guests enticed by the relaxed atmosphere, endless snacks, and good company. It was a very happy time for the little red couch.
The little red couch then moved to the cute apartment on Apple drive, where it was happy to finally get a little leg room! And those lovely friends made at the dorms, continued to visit and grace it's soft cushions. Becca and I explored the depths of our minds and hearts; as well as, continue our blatant procrastination on it's cushy depths.
After graduation it was time to get life on the road, so the little red couch was carefully packed up into a large moving van and carted down to grand old North Carolina where it perched in it's birdcage apartment. Little red couch was very happy with the move and adored the lovely view of the trees out the balcony windows. One very blissful year was spent in this abode, where the little red couch met it's owner's greatest love. They were one happy little family.
By then the little red couch was ready to move to a more urban area and was delighted to find a an old house with wooden floors in the historic district. The little red couch also made a new friend at this place, a small dog that he would deeply love. He was a little sad that he no longer had a view of the park, but he was excited to be in the midst of everything that was happening! And he was delighted to be so close to the baseball park and get to watch the fireworks every weekend in the summer!
One day the call of big city life became too great, and the little red couch packed his bags for the big city. He was stunned to find himself in a giant loft with beautiful windows; it was a dream and so much better than the online photos. What a place, what a city! But the little red couch still missed the trees and the view, and he missed the friends that he made along the way.
Where will the little red couch move to next? Who knows? He knows that life is an adventure and is excited to see where the road leads!

Just a silly doll...a tribute

2009-05-04T21:55:00.004-04:00

When I was about 3, my family moved to quaint little farming town in the Midwest; they didn't really know anyone and they had strange ideas brought down from the big city (Chicago) where my dad had been going to school to become a Chiropractor, which at the time and in that place was....let's just say suspicious to the locals. My folks had strange ideas about eating organic and healthy long before it was trendy, and they were viewed as a bit odd by a community that's handful of fast food restaurants quite unmistakably reflected their diets. They were outsiders in a tight knit community, with little money or social capital.
Here in this strange and complex world a lifevest was tossed into my pool in the form of a catalog. It was a catalog for historical dolls; these dolls, unlike most that I had encountered thus far, were real little girls with stories throughout American history.
There were 3 in the beginning, Kirsten, Samantha, and Molly; they were all from different historical periods and had the most incredible collections of fascinating things. Back in these days, before they were bought out by Fisher Price, this company went by the name Pleasant Company, and they were amazing. The quality of their products was unparalleled
My first and favorite doll came along shortly after we moved into the house on Third street, and I can remember the way she looked in the box, perfect, smiling, beautiful! I was so excited to have my friend with me. I loved her tea set with the delicate rosebud pattern, but mostly I loved her stories and her personality. She was a friend and a playmate. I read, and re-read the books, and I pored over the magazines contemplating what it would have been like to live back in the turn of the century, who I would have been, if I would have had the beautiful practiced penmanship instead of my lousy scribbles.
Samantha was my dear friend; it was through her story that I learned that character in books can be companions. I learned to share the adventures and to see the world through another's eyes. I learned to feel the heartaches and to learn the lessons as well as to celebrate the surprises along the way.
This year, they decided to retire Samantha. It feels strange to think about an integral part of my childhood as irreplacable; it is very much like losing a friend and exposing the illusion. I was able to visit the store and see her display at Christmastime; it felt much like a visitation for a long lost friend that was gone forever.
I was glad that I got to say goodbye.
When my mom came to visit, we made a trip to the store at Rockefeller Center. And we walked hand in hand down memory lane, reminiscing. Samantha was no longer there, and I think we both felt the dull ache of her absence.
It probably seems silly that a grown women grieves for something like a doll, but she was more than that to me, she was my friend and my lifeline. And I'm grateful that my family, that didn't have a whole lot of money, found a way to provide such a special friend for me; it wouldn't have been the same without her.

Thankful for everything? Even Exes

2009-04-24T17:27:00.002-04:00

I was thinking the other day about exes; not any of mind in particular, just the concept of exes.
And I had this weird realization that I should be thankful for all of Drake's exes, and even all of mine.
This concept took awhile to think through, but I think that I have found a truth.
When I think about my personal previous relationships, I realize that everyone that I have been close to along the way has shaped who I have become as a person. Each person shared themselves with me, and I, sometimes begrudgingly shared who I was in return.
In the process, I learned a lot of things, like how to communicate (and more importantly how not to communicate), how to keep hold of who I am and not just meld myself to whoever I'm with to avoid conflict. I've learned how to fight, which believe it or not was something that I didn't really know how to do and is a really important aspect of relationships. No matter how much you love a person, you are two distinct people and will inevitably disagree about things in life's journey.
I learned along the way what elements I really wanted and needed in another person, and I also realized how important it was to find someone that was able to bring out the best in me and vice versa. Every relationship that ended was lacking something; they did not "grace for grace and love for love allow". Yet each person along the way helped shape me into a better person, a kinder person; they gave me the gift of friendship and comraderie.
I don't regret the life I have lived or the relationships that I have held. I am thankful for the friendships and the lessons learned. And I don't regret the relationships that Drake has held, because I know that he has learned these same lessons along the way; althought sometimes I have to remind myself of this fact!

Falling in LOVE

2009-04-17T13:11:00.003-04:00

All you need is love, right?

I tumbled out of the subway for the first time one sweltering, summer day 1998 and was instantly overwhelmed by the World Trade Center buildings that towered over me. This strange world, seemingly it's own universe took my breath away; it was love at first sight!
I remember the feeling of awe that a building could be so massive and imposing!
We lucked upon a Broadway lunch performance of Miss Saigon and Les Miserables happening for the employees of the towers; we quickly snagged front row seats and were treated to outstanding performances to some of the most desirable shows on Broadway.
We then walked the from Battery Park, where we glimpsed majestic Lady Liberty welcoming the tired and the poor. We trooped through all kinds of neighborhoods and stumbled into Washington Square Park and watched old men battling it out on worn cement chess tables. I remember not being able to take my eyes off some strange guy dancing down the street listening to whatever tunes were blasting in his Walkman (these were pre-ipod days, my friend!)
We spent most of our time in the city trying to figure out where to go and subsequently did little more than wander aimlessly. But I loved every second, the people watching, the clothing, the architecture, the way the neighborhoods changed and shifted, the colors, I loved it all.
I can't believe that we came so unprepared for this place, but we managed to see a whole lot, anyway. We saw the WTC towers, Battery Park and Statue of Liberty (from a distance), Washington Sq Park, the Empire State Building (we didn't go up in it, though), Central Park and a Ralph Lauren photo shoot. We also managed to eat bagels, pizza, and hot dogs...the New York trifecta.
Every moment was new, each experience was unique, and I loved every second. Sure, we had some serious disappointments, like finding out that the Salvation Army we had searched out so diligently was the headquarters and had no clothes! We also suffered serious blisters on our feet from the strenuous walking (from lack of planning), but I wouldn't have had it any other way. What an adventure, what a way to fall in love!

Decades

2009-04-16T16:00:00.003-04:00

I've recently been thinking that next year would mark the 10 year anniversary of my graduation...I have some ideas for what would be fun to do for it. I'm not ready to share yet, but you can bet that it's a little more unconventional than meeting for coctails in a generic hotel coference room! ;)
To be perfectly honest, it's not really my class reunion, as I didn't graduate with them, but I was there in spirit. Most of these people I had known from kindergarten on...some of them quite a bit longer, some a few years less. But because we had such small classes, they became a second family, bonded like cement through our years together. We shared classrooms with the year above and the year below in a rotating basis, and they too became a part of this strange conglomeration of motley friends. We had our fair share of disputes and arguments, but mostly we laughed and played and learned and shared our ideas. One could never stay angry for too long, because there were only so many people. We were forced to learn how to mend our fences and moderate our tempers. I remember standing up for my friends against other kids and even teachers, and I also remember poignant memories of others standing up for me. I fondly remember the great teachers that knew how to encourage, inspire and challenge us, that lit the fire of inspiration in each of us. And I remember the teachers that never quite figured out what to do with us; we were not an easy crew! Most of us had been in the system long enough that we knew how to really work it; each new teacher was fair game for our techniques and oh how the battles raged!
A lot has happened and changed in all of our lives over the last 10 years. I am excited to reunite; I hope everyone gets excited and decides to participate and reminisce. I want to remember all the stories and laugh at how truly ridiculous we were.

Electric Youth

2009-04-07T12:44:00.004-04:00

The other day as I sped down the tracks on the 4/5 express to fulton, I was sandwiched between a reedy, wheezing man and a rotund lady with a permanent sneer branded on her hard features when I was smacked hard in the face by the scent of what I presumed to be a Chinatown, imitation Chanel Number Five which was instantly followed by a left hook from an unidentifiable cologne that I prefer to call Red, which happens to be the color my eyes turn when whiffed. The trifecta was complete when an older gentleman shuffled into the car at Grand Central bathed in a spicy cocktail of jagged scent.
My instant mental response was anguish as I tried to hold my breath for extended periods of time, managing to make myself dizzy and forcing myself to gulp in mouthfuls of the tainted air. In my slightly loopy condition, I was dragged down memory lane to explore my own faux pas in my personal quest for the perfect scent.
It all started with a small white and black accented bottle of Exclamation, a gift from a suitor at the ripe old age of 10. According to my mother, I saturated my room with the elixor. I'm fairly certain that I wasn't very judicious in my future applications either! Sorry guys!! The funny part is that I found this chipped bottle with a little liquid swirling around the bottom in one of my memento boxes over Christmas! Ha!
I remember a few other perfumes along the way, my favorite being one that I never owned but managed to borrow a few splashes. I believe it was called Electric Youth owned by Megan Dunning (sorry, but you'll always be a dunning to me :)), and I performed a veritable manhunt without success. I really loved the smell of it, and it came in a totally 'rad' bottle with a neon pink sqiggle in it! (We were very cool if you couldn't tell)
The junior high years were a succession of plastic, fruity smells from Bath and Body Works, most memorably were Country Apple and Pear something. Pretty much everyone wore these, so most classes ended up a fruit cocktail of competing flavors.
Throughout the high school years I mainly wore Abercrombie, they had a scent for women that I liked, very clean smelling.
Just before my England and India trip I got Gucci Rush, which I loved so much at the time. It was a very strong scent and bit musky. This one was retired after that trip, too many painful memories tied to it, I think.
Also at the end of my time in England I picked up a perfume from the store NEXT, loved it, wore it until it was drained and retired it.
In college, I found a perfume from Ireland that I loved. I also wore this one until it was gone and retired it. I always really liked the connection to my cultural heritage that I felt when I wore this one; something about the smell felt comforting, like home.
I've learned a lot of lessons along the way.
I have found that when it comes to quantity, it is better to wear just enough so that if you leaned in for a hug, you would catch the whisper of the tones, and I've learned that it's unfair to force everyone that surrounds me to inhale my preferred smell and thus try to avoid very strong, overpowering scents. As with most things in life, quality prevales over quantity any day; and as my father is fond of saying, "You get what you pay for." And when I find something I like it, it is worth it to stick with it because it becomes a part of my story and the memories are tinged with the aroma, both good and bad.
I'm still looking for my perfect scent, the essence of who I am. I am open to suggesions!

Come together

2009-04-06T17:36:00.002-04:00

It would start with a change of atmosphere, perhaps a slight drop in barometric temperature, a surge in the air.
The taunting odor of moist earth would waft through the house as the first one would slip out onto the front porch to find their favorite perch. It wasn't long before another one would notice that the heavy wooden door had been flung open and light was spilling through the glass screen drawn to drift out and join the first to claim their spot. One by one, we would all follow the piper's flute to the porch to watch the sun as it gloriously lit up the expanse of the sky, igniting our imaginations and our dreams. Sometimes we would pass around the paper, sometimes we would chat a little about the day and the trivialities of life. Most of all, we were all together, drawn by a moment that we would never forget.
My family is large and full of life and laughter; through the years we have shared many moments from the absurd to the trajic to the serene, but some of my favorite were those spent on the front porch enjoying the stillness watching the sun go down. It was never a planned event, we were all just drawn from our busyness to sit, be still, and watch the immensity of a Kansas sky, filled with sun as it melted over the fields.

Most recent favorite question:

2009-01-12T12:10:00.002-05:00

I love good questions, both to ask and be asked. I often think that we don't ever get to have the conversations that we like to have because we fail to ask really good quesitons.

SO here it is, my new favorite:
If you could do anything, with nothing holding you back or standing in your way, what would you do and/or who would you be?

I love this question; I've been asking all kinds of different people, random taxi drivers, waiters, whoever.

My previous favorite question, which I still hold dear is a bit more simple to ask but often much harder to answer is:
Why?

Anyway, I would love to know your answer to this question...

SO, if you could do anything or be anything without any restriction or limitation, what would you do/ who would you be?

Trains of thought

2009-01-08T12:07:00.003-05:00

I had a realization today while I was riding the second of my three morning trains...
Many of my most profound thoughts and meandering concepts tend to show up somewhere on the pathways of my commute. This poses a distinct problem, because by the time I reach my destination these thoughts have dissipated into the hazy mist of my memory, which seems to get hazier the older I get. I could take notes, but I greatly disdain this due to the fact that it disrupts the flow of thought and it also pains me to have to carry acceptable surfaces to write on that will not just end up in a jumble of illegible scribblings on the bottom of my bag.
This morning alone I had three separate ideas for blog entries, alas by the time I got here these thoughts were lost in the maze of mental archives.
I realize that if I sat here and focused my concerted energy I might be able to reach back into the fog and pull some of the concepts into the transitory present.
However, by the time the retrieval system kicks into action and delivers the appropriate thoughts, I always seem to find the ideas tainted by the time they have spent in the refrigeration system and I am far less pleased than when they felt fresh and exciting and new.
I think I need a better strategy; or a better mental storage system. :)
Any thoughts?

Put your Mind to it, Go for it, Get down and break a sweat...

2008-12-12T16:47:00.003-05:00

If you don't remember this episode of Saved by the Bell, this message is not for you!

Just thought I would send a little reminder out there to all my fellow holiday friends to enjoy the holidays and not over-due it; otherwise you might end of like Jessie sluggin down the go-pills!

I'm planning to take my own advice and chill out tomorrow.

Happy holidays!!

***I really wanted to put the photo of the SBTB crew in all their spandex glory, but I thought this would do***

New Traditions

2008-12-12T12:01:00.002-05:00

I'm a sucker for good holiday traditions, and I think they are important for families to have and to carry on for future generations.

So, I decided that I am going to create my own holiday tradition. That's right, I'm declaring the second Saturday of December as the Aldrich Family (Drake & I) Extravaganza.

This happens to be this Saturday, and I have big plans to wake up early and drink silky coffee, followed by a fun morning of making white chocolate dipped pretzels, which I love and haven't had in FOREVER! Followed by a luxurious day of cuddling on the couch watching holiday films, remembering Christmas' before and laughing at all the right places (Christmas Vacation! and Christmas Story!) I can't wait to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Home Alone 1 & 2, and Miracle on 34th Street while sipping Eggnog and noshing on delectables! I also hope to review the list of gifts aquired and assess what still needs to be purchased, and to finally re-write the holiday letter, this time with some Drake input!! I hope that it is a lovely day

Update to "Happiness...."

2008-12-12T11:32:00.001-05:00

I had some interesting questions about the Happiness note from someone on my Facebook page, where I also posted it, and I thought I would share on here as an update, as well as my responses....
"Danielle Troutman (Penn State) wroteat 10:16pm on December 6th, 2008
What does living well mean to you? Whay does it matter what you give back? Your name will be forgotten in two generations. Think, can you even remember all four of your great grandparents names or what their lives consisted of. Why should any of us act in kindness? I would care to differ that happiness being a journey. Why should happiness be what we are seeking? Happiness is relative. There is no real, one true happiness, so how can we find hope in happiness? Just some comments I was thinking as I read over your note. I am intrigued by your thoughts!"

My responses:
Living well means many things to me. I would start with the very basics of the way that I treat others and the way that I treat myself, with respect, with dignity, with kindness, with gratitude. It involves having a positive inner monologue, and it also involves having an awareness and open-ness to assisting others in need and to doing my part to make the world a better place. I also think to live a full life you have to embrace living, to see the colors and the vibrance of the moments that you occupy and not to aimlessly drift without ever really tasting, feeling, seeing, breathing.

"Why does it matter what you give back"This is a devil's advocate question. I don't think anyone truly lives until they invest their lives in others. Enriching the lives of others has an odd and anti-logical effect of enriching your life. I did not mean to imply that we should live to have our person remembered. I meant more that we should live to inspire others to care, to love, to laugh, to live. Life is incredibly short, and you are right after a few generations most people are forgotten, but one positive action can resonate throughout generations. One life changed can change thousands. Mother Theresa was one woman who changed the lives of millions and is an example of servitude and philanthropy.

I do not not mean to imply that we will all be Mother Theresa, but I can look back at my life and see people that have planted seeds in many and those seeds have germinated, taken root and grown and become fully grown seed producing plants. Oh, and I do remember the name of all of my great-grandparents. I had 8, and I personally knew 5 of them. Names are not the elemental issue; it is the actions that weave into the collective human experience that build the fabric of existence.

Happiness is more about enjoying the everday moments, to seeing the good in life. Let me take it down to a daily example. Instead of grinding my way through my commute, battling through a work day, grinding through the commute home, eating dinner and crashing into bed, what if I change my perspective and begin to notice the good things. What if instead, I watch the fog dance on the city as light glints in and out of the buildings, and I notice the young man that gives up his seat graciously for the tired, elderly woman. What if I take a moment to say thank you to the weary elderly gentleman that hands me my free daily paper and wish him well. What if I savor the exquisite taste of the fresh coffee blend that my husband graciously fixes for me every day. What if I compliment the girl at the office that is wearing something special that catches my eye. What if I ask the shy new girl to lunch and get to know her and let her know of all the great places to eat and the low-down of the office. What if ....
You catch my meaning...it's not about this feeling of elation, it's more about embracing the moments, taking advantage of opportunities for kindness for doing my part and maybe a little more.I don't want to sit in my rocker and have nothing but a closet full of pretty clothes and a drawer full of jewelry. I want to know that I have done everything in my power to make the world a better place; to make it the kind of place that I wish it was, to be the change that I want to see in the world.

I appreciate the feedback. Happy holidays!

The crazy cat lady...and how she inspired me....

2008-12-12T11:21:00.004-05:00

It all started with this book that I found about this crazy cat rescuer; this woman lives her life in complete devotion to rescuing stray and feral cats. Personally I'm more of a dog person, so I'm not entirely sure why I decided to read this book, except that perhaps it was light enough not to add to much weight to the commuter bag I carry.
Anyway, this book has got me thinking about living with intent and having a purpose. I personally think that devoting your time to feeding, clothing, and pouring out your affection would be better served in generous doses to the homeless, the fatherless, and the widows; however, I can not help but be inspired by the single minded devotion this woman has poured out for her cause. She has pursued this purpose without thought to personal deprivation of time and money and effort and energy. She not only talked about loving animals and caring about them, but she acted it out in every action, in every step.
It inspired me to find my mission and to take a baby step; I have an idea of what I would like to do in my neighborhood. I hope I have the courage to pursue it.
What is your mission, your purpose, your intent in life?
Do you pursue it with unabashed abandon?
What is your passion and what do you do about it?
I hope that you are inspired to pursue your passion without inhibition, to relish the pursuit and activation of your goals.

Happiness-a Journey NOT a Destination

2008-12-05T10:32:00.003-05:00

I just read a blog entry written by a woman that has been my dearest friend since we pranced around in our diapers. She so eloquently captured the essence of a philosophy that has been rattling around in my mind for quite some time. She wrote about taking a stroll with her little family and seeing the beauty in the quaint little town in which we were raised; I highly recommend reading this note on her blog-- The Harris Herald (http://shawnandmindy.blogspot.com/2008/12/history-lesson.html).
I must confess that I spent many years despising and feeling ashamed of that tiny town, and it is only within the last few years that I have been able to appreciate the little graces that can be found: the weathered old buildings, the friendly neighborhood vibe, the lack of locked doors. I love the history and continuity, and I love that life in general is more simple and a little bit slow. I doubt the residents of Chanute even appreciate some of the amenities available because they don't realize their rarity.
The details of our lives are like pieces of a puzzle that can be arranged to construct thousands of different images and stories. We arrange those pieces and create the storyline of our lives. One person could take the small details and arrange them in a way that focuses on caring for others and finding the good things in life. Another person could take the very same pieces and embrace negativity and see nothing outside of their own need.
It is so easy to get all wrapped up in the chaos and confusion of daily existence that we forget that all the pieces that we are constantly arranging and obsessing about, the dialogue that is constantly running in our minds, becomes the intricate fabric of our lives. What we fail to realize is that although we can't control the circumstances, we can control our reactions and the areas we focus our energy and attention.
Happiness is a journey not a destination. It involves training and disciplining ourselves to see the beauty in life, to act out of love and kindness, to appreciate the good in others, and to make the most out of every opportunity.
I keep seeing the NY Times obituaries, and I keep thinking, what do I want my legacy to be? What will I have given back? How much time will I have squandered worrying and obsessing about things that I can't change or control?
All I know is that life is made for living, and I want to live it well!

"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life, this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way, so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one." -souza

Sentimental Fool

2008-11-30T15:40:00.002-05:00

It all starts with that certain smell in the air; that hint of snow on the breeze reminding me that Christmas is lurking right around the corner. Living in the big city there are of course other reminders as well, the looming tree at Rockefeller Center, the holiday displays in the store windows, lights and Christmas music sparking the air.
Suddenly everything is glittering and bright, and I rapidly melt into a sentimental fool.
I am reminded of the beautiful holidays of the past with the heart felt traditions, the friends and family, the food and the gifts both given and received.
My heart is full of the warmth of memories and the anticipation of new memories to be made, friendships to be re-visited, and new traditions to be invented.
I like the continuity and constancy as much as I love the little unexpected surprises.
I like that this is a holiday that reminds us to take care of each other, to re-touch with old friendships, and that it is better to give than to receive.
I also love the opportunity to express our gratitude for both the tangible and intangible.
I have been accused of being cynical about some things, and I suppose that it might be true in regard to certain things (cough, cough...Valentine's Day). And I know that there are valid reasons that people have to be angsty about this holiday, the blatant commercialism for one.
But I suppose that it is a matter of perspective, and as is true of most things in life, our experiences are tainted by our expectations.
I, for one, am delighted to see this holiday return. I delight in remembering the holidays spent with family members, especially ones that are no longer with us, and I value the time set aside to enjoy the ones that matter the most in my life.
I wish you all the best of the season; I hope that you spend it with the ones that you love, that you make new favorite memories, and that you remember all of your blessings, even among the stress of the holiday season.

Why is my sweater strangling me?!?!!?

2008-10-21T14:27:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking alot lately about "stuff". You know the really magical things in the store that you desperately want, can't wait to have, play with for a three seconds, and in a day or two become "stuff" that piles up in your closets on your countertops and threatens to overwhelm your life.
What is this crazy fascination with the consummerist things that flood every part of our lives? We buy and buy, consume irrationally, yet are never satisfied. We are consumed with the idea that "if we just have ______" then life will be perfect, we will be beautiful and all the horrible stretch marks of life will magically disappear. The airy promises in advertising vanish like the smoke that they are after the honeymoon.
It seems that what we really want is to plateau; to be satisfied and content with what we have, where we are. But the trick of consumerism is that there is no destination, no stopping point. We are only momentarily happy in the act of acquisition and a brief afterglow; there even appears to be some level of satisfaction in yearning for something. But there is never a landing point; you can never catch the Jones'.
Not only is the "stuff" somewhat empty, most of it requires upkeep and slavish work to keep in working order. Clothes require washing, ironing, mending. Electronics require charging, security, cleanup. Cars require so much attention and the list goes on and on. Even excessive money requires work to maintain.
I've realized that what I really want is to find contentment with what I have. I want to root out the grasping greediness that threatens to swallow me whole and transform those self-serving instincts into something positive. That is my mission.

A little of This AND That

2008-10-20T16:27:00.005-04:00

From the most simplistic tart to the most elaborate souffle, I adore food!
It is exhilirating to experience the vibrant colors, vivid textures, poignant flavors, and versatile intensities as they bend their inherent qualities to the will of a master chef.
It is an unmatched visceral experience watching a master coax, blend, and experiment their way to perfection, and I adore perching in a front row seat clutching my glass of wine and salivating, eagerly awaiting the tasty samples that I know will dance on my palate.
As much as I adore the end product, placed artistically on a plate; I am even more excited to experience the process. It is astounding to watch ordinary lumps of vegetables and meat transform into the most elegant delicacies.
In light of this singular devotion, I have decided to curb the denigration of food; I am banning phrases such as "Bad food" (unless it is spoiled or poorly prepared) and the like from my vernacular. I refuse to fear or despise the food that I consume and choose to embrace it with reckless abandon.
Cheers to la Dolce Vita!

Thrilled to be back!

2008-09-07T21:53:00.004-04:00

Wow, it's amazing to have internet in my home!

To be able to sit on my little red couch and tap away on my lady mac feels revolutionary!

I am delighted that I will be able to keep in touch a little less painfully with all the far flung folk that mean so much.

Life is continuing to be insanely busy, but I hope to I hope to be able to sit down at some point this week and get caught back up on the last month or so of events.

Maybe, I'll even figure out how to add some photos to the posts.

Then hopefully going forward, I can write more frequently and not just once in a blue moon.

Until then, take care and be well.

Life is fragile; embrace it.

Madness

2008-07-30T08:37:00.002-04:00

I haven't been so good at updating as of late, mostly because I was holding out for my Internet to be installed this past weekend. Unfortunately, the cable guys were unable to find a cable line into my apartment; it's strange, because we were told by the management that it was wired for cable. So now, we have to deal with our apartment management and explain to them what we need...and then wait until they are available to fix it...and then wait until the cable guys are available to re-install. I do not foresee this being a quick and easy process. Gr....

Lots of fabulous things have been going on in the life of the Aldrich's...we spent a weekend in Newport with some friends (both old and new) and went sailing and kayaking, hit a mansion party, and rode around in a Bentley name Betsy for good measure.

We have had oodles of house guest, which has been fabulous, and we are expecting tons more before the season gives way.

I saw the Dark Knight, like most of the known universe, and thought it was amazing! The Joker has never been played more convincingly or been more creepy. It's a shame that their will be no comparable sequel, how often do you say that??!? Drake took me on a date to see this, preceded by dinner of Great Khans, one of our fave little dinners. We love to pile on the veggies and lamb and watch as it grills to perfection in front of us.

We hit a free concert in the city of the PUnch brothers feat. Chris Thile, which was amazing! It was supposed to be outdoors overlooking the Hudson River, but it was moved to a local school due to rain. (Local schools in NY are amazing!) We were also delighted to find a great little place nearby for some excellent Mexican food; this is indeed a find as we have been looking for a year and a half for some really exceptional mexi food!! Hooray!

We spent fourth of July on the rooftop of our apartment and watched four fireworks shows: the one over the Hudson and all 3 New York rivers. We hung out with our cool neighbors and ate some kickin' bbq. We have since found our way up to the rooftop in the evenings, taking advantage of the cooler breezes and the killer view of the skyline and Lady Liberty.

I reconnected with my very talented hair stylist who specializes in make-overs, and she asked me to let her do my hair and take some photos for her website. So, tonight I am off to a penthouse studio on park ave to get some photos with the Sassy Hair Chick.. If you need a good cut, I'd be happy to pass along her info.

In other news, Caleb came out for a visit; we always enjoy getting to see him when he can find the time. He is such a busy kid. We treated ourselves to a really amazing steak dinner; Drake bought gigantic steaks with taters and corn. mmmm. I think Caleb took some pics. We made these on the new little Hibachi grill, and they turned out perfect! So juicy and tender on the inside with a perfect sear on the outside. Caleb even passed the bone along to Cholo, who will now love him forever!

In the midst of the insanity from this past weekend, I forgot about brunch with a friend (sometimes I suck). But...Drake made me breakfast in bed, and we had such a good day full of eating and chatting and watching movies. I even made it out for a spin on my new bike, during which I managed to race home just as the first few drops of a rain shower started.

New York is full of so many people, but sometimes you do bump into people that you know. I was running around close to Union Sq. last night and ran into my dear friend Kyle, whom I haven't seen in forever. I love fortuitous moments.

Tomorrow evening I am meeting up with a guy who's job is to meet up with Alumni from my school for coffee. We are going to one of the best coffee place's in the city, Grumpy's; I know that he is probably going to ask for money, which I don't have to give. I don't have a problem hearing him out though...

This coming weekend we are hitting the road for Pittsburgh to go to a friend's housewarming/ 90's party; it should be a rocking good time.

Oh, and I found a great acupuncturist! His name is Daniel Hsu, and I couldn't be happier with him. Not to mention he is less than a block away from my work. Love it!

Next weekend Drake and I are going to All Points West, a huge 30 day music festival; I Can't Wait!

Hope to have more updates soon...sorry this is such a hug mish-mosh of happenings. Life has been just a little bit hectic. Cheers! And cross your fingers for the internet stuff to work out soon. :)

3, 2, 1....

2008-07-23T17:47:00.002-04:00

Soon, so so soon....I will have internet again!
Drake and I have abstained from internet and tv for the last 18 months.
We are happy to return to the world of connection and hopefully we'll both do just a little bit better about keeping in contact with our long lost friends that we adore and miss every single day!
We also hope to do a little better writing, updating photos, etc....
That, however, might just be wishful thinking....
We shall see!
Catch you on the flip side....

Aligned....

2008-07-08T13:07:00.002-04:00

I've thought a great deal about alignment lately. We are involved in a ride-share program and the car that we are driving has some issues... Not serious issues, but some things are a little out of whack. These little things, work against the proper function of the car, causing it to work harder and less efficiently, to make every little action just a little bit more difficulty, slowly chipping away at the $4 +/per gallon of gas in the tank.

I also have been thinking about my body/mind/spirit and it's alignment. How much are those little things that pile up effecting every moment of my day, every action, every step? How much is that little bit of extra stress that I pile on, that unhealthy behavior, that bad pillow, etc. all contributing to my mental, emotional, and spiritual function?

I've been thinking about balancing and aligning my life and working to take the steps neccessary to achieve that balance. In effect to stop working against myself. I have high hopes and plan to make this part of my daily goals.

May you find your alignment and balance in the midst of the storms.

Rest and rejuvination

2008-07-07T10:47:00.002-04:00

Who doesn't love a long weekend?
It is so amazing to have an opportunity to take life slowly, to grill out, watch fireworks from a rooftop, and get out of the city. Not to mention finally finding time to do our mountains of laundry! :)
Drake and I took a quick roadtrip out to a gorgeous spot in PA to wander around and check out crazy antiques. We found so many amazing deals and finds, and we just had such a great time hanging out together with our dog, looking around new cities, and talking to sweet, good natured people all in a beautiful area of the Appalachians. It was amazing to slow down and enjoy the innocent things in life.

I'll have to post some photos of our finds. Some of the best finds were a $10 hibachi grill (amazing!), a $1 vintage cooler (so cute and works perfectly), 5- $1 unique vintage belt buckles, 2 gorgeous crystal decanters for $20, 2 wooden, hand crafted, 15 bottle wine holders for $1 (need a little love but very cool), and a perfect velvet lined, leather jewelry box for $4.

We gave ourselves a budget to play with did a great job of sticking with it until I found this amazing, ancient leather mail bag that I couldn't live without. It needs a little attention, but it is totally worth it! So, we exceeded our budget a little bit; se la vie.

It was a perfect day!

Smart cookie

2008-07-07T10:33:00.004-04:00

I'm not the smartest person in the world, and I make my share (sometimes more than my share) of stupid mistakes. But overall, I'm a pretty smart cookie most of the time.

But as I was on my commute this morning I was looking at this ladies' shoes and it started me thinking. I started wondering about how tall her shoes were and how hard they were to walk in. I wondered how they were designed in order to stay on and if they were comfortable or killing this woman's feet. I was struck by a sense of wonder and curiosity.

Then I got to thinking about how being smart can be very limiting. Let me explain. When you are 'smart', it's easy to automatically presume that you know the answer...to look at a situation and begin the logical process of dessiminating a question or problem. To look only for the "right" answer that efficiently solves the puzzle.

While this is a great problem solving tool, it can also be incredibly limiting; instead of allowing the mind to wonder at things and to be curious and to flounder around a bit, it goes directly to an obvious solution.

Sometimes it can be really enlightening to stumble around in the world of wonder and to consider infinite possibilities. Intellectual playfulness and wonder often lead to exciting new ideas and concepts; so maybe just for today I might try wondering instead of knowing and see what new things happen.
"All who wander are not lost."

Drake

2008-06-30T13:33:00.002-04:00

Drake is back to work for the first time today; he is still experiencing a great deal of pain in his right shoulder. I am so thankful that his injuries were not more severe. He will get an MRI tomorrow to ensure there is nothing surgical that needs to be done. We were very fortunate that my dad was in town and able to work on him.

In other news, Caleb stepped out of the subway and was hit by a passing bike! He and the bike have both seen better days. Oi, crazy city...

"I was just thinking that I have been missing you for way too long..."

2008-06-24T12:40:00.002-04:00

So much happens, changes.

Often lately, I have found myself thinking about stolen moments with my father, moments when he would take the time to be near me. I distinctly remember being rocked to sleep in my dad's chair (which happened to be a hideous shade of shaggy brown); I loved that time of closeness. I think I always knew that their was a time limit on how long you could live in that state of protection.

I remember the first time I really knew I was loved. When I was about 2 years old, I used get to stay up late with my dad. My brother had to go to bed early because he had school, but being a night owl from the womb, my mom allowed me to stay up later.
So, my dad would stay up with me. He would lay on our ratty, plaid couch with his feet propped up watching boring things on tv (like baseball), and I would lay on his chest matching his breath to mine. Allowing my body's circulation to ease into a state of relaxation, my lungs to swell almost to what felt beyond their capacity.
I found great peace in those moments; I learned to change the pace of my racing child's heart to match my father's deeper, slower resonance. When I think of meditation, of reaching a higher plain, this is what I think of.
I knew what it was as a child, to reach out to something beyond myself, to rest in the space in between. I didn't need for him to attend to me, I didn't need for him to shower me with words and caresses. All I needed was for him to be present and to allow me to be close to his heart. To feel the beats on my face and ask my heart to beat the same.
This is love.

With mom's, you just always know that they love you; they exude love, they protect you in the womb, feed you from their own bodies, give of themselves in every way. But dad's are a bit of a different story, you have to learn that they love you. They have to allow themselves the opportunities to show you that you are loved and adored, too often they fall short and don't allow themselves the opportunities to show small measures of affection. I think that is why God is depicted as the good Father.
I never doubted that my father loved me, and I have no doubt that if Drake and I decide to have children one day that they will have no question that they are loved and adored.

In other news...Drake had a very bad bike accident last night. Fortunately nothing was broken (except his bike), but he is in great amounts of pain. He injured ligaments in his ankle, and we aren't yet sure of what damage he has sustained in his shoulder. I am so grateful that he did not have worse injuries... This is the third time a car has hit Drake, this being by far the worst time. My heart breaks to see him in pain.

In happier news, I finally saw my brother, Caleb! It was so nice to get to have him all to myself for an evening! As amazing as it can be to have such a large family, it makes it extremely difficult to get 1-1 time with anyone, especially since my visits seem to be shorter and shorter!!
I am happy to report that he is doing very well and enjoying the city. Most of you won't care about this, but we wandered around Central Park after having a dinner of Pho soup in Little Korea, when we stumbled across the statue of Balto! This had to be one of Caleb's very favorite movies as a child; it was fun to make this little discovery together. I tried to take a photo, but alas the batteries in the camera were dead.

My parents are going to come out for a visit this weekend. My house is in shambles and has little hope of being restored (in light of recent events). But we are so excited to have them here. It should be a really relaxed visit, as they already kind of have the tourist stuff out of the way. We are also delighted that my dad will be able to work on Drake and hopefully put him back together again!!

I have been so busy, and thus posted so little. Still no internet at the house....one of these days! :)
Sorry for the scattered nature of this...it is what comes from not posting often enough!
Cheers, I miss so many of you, too much!!

floating at the bottom of a well....

2008-06-19T14:22:00.002-04:00

For reasons i can't explain or describe--even to myself.
I have much to write, much to say, and no time to put it all down.
I am pretty sure that I need a vacation, an extended break somewhere quiet.
Grrr....
Apologies for the angst....it's where I am at the moment.

"The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames...

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved...

But can you fake it, for just one more show?...

And what have you got when you feel the same"

Couture

2008-06-03T09:34:00.003-04:00

I thought that this dress was really fabulous!
Enjoy...
We have guests coming in for the week...so I may be off the radar for a bit....
Cheers!

Funky uses for Kitchen products

2008-05-29T15:30:00.002-04:00

http://food.aol.com/play-with-your-food/weird-uses-for-food

This is a very cool link!
It's always exciting to find unusual uses for ordinary things.
My favorite one I ever found was getting permanent marker off of a conference room table with toothpaste! Nich, huh?!?

New favorite motto for NY Life

2008-05-29T14:59:00.000-04:00

Have Presence
Don't take up space!

10 Cool and Unusual Uses for Vodka (pronounced wodku)

2008-05-29T12:25:00.002-04:00

http://green.msn.com/galleries/photos/photos.aspx?gid=200&GT1=45002

Follow the link...but here is the condensed version:

1. Poison Ivy cure
2. Laundry freshener
3. Shines chrome, glass, and porcelain
4. Extends life of cut flowers (add sugar too)
5. Insect repellant
6. Disinfect and diminish pain from jellyfish sting
7. Shines dull hair
8. Cleans mold
9. Make lavender tincture to soothe aches and pains
10. Ease pain and disinfect painful tooth

Pretty sweet!

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

2008-05-28T17:19:00.003-04:00

For lunch today I had intended to take a few photos for a previous blog, but I managed to take one photo and the camera died.
However, I did stumble across a movie filming crew wrapping up a scene of Anne Hathaway in some undisclosed film. I ran into her just as she was hopping into some giant SUV. She was built like a very pretty hummingbird and was very sweet. Good times!
Followed the chance encounter with a yummy sushi lunch.
Then watched feathers floating lazily outside my window.

Visit to the birthplace of the "Star Spangled Banner"

2008-05-28T10:13:00.015-04:00

What a glorious invention this Memorial Day Weekend; thanks very much General John Logan!

As the previous notes discussed, Drake and I headed out of the city to gallivant in the countryside.

We experienced some annoying delays at the start of journey. Our intended departation time of 4pm was pushed back by 4 and 1/2 hours involving everything from missing keys, dead batteries, and flat tires. Not a great start to our adventure, but we powered through, kept positive and illustriously arrived at our campsite by about 12. Poor Becca was waiting for us for about 3 hours! She kept her spirits up by building a fire (go Bec!), and curling up beside it to read a good book. Clever girl.
We managed to quickly and efficiently set up our "condo tent"...due to the skills of Drake, our Master Camper and settled in around the campfire to catch up.

We spent a luxurious weekend soaking up the sun, swinging in the hammock, exploring nature, strumming guitars, reading books and magazines, taking ritual afternoon siestas, and eating insanely good food....mountain pies, smores, hot dogs, and more!

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was our hike down to the river (swathed only in bathing suits and flip flops); I imagine that we looked a little silly and unprepared slip sliding down the steep slope! We finally landed at a small beachy nook where we played and laughed and screamed. We climbed in forbidden trails and discovered a still, undisturbed covey of water, and we stumbled upon a twinkling miniature waterfall!
I love shaking off this adult, serious persona and fully embracing my inner five year old.
I have the sun burn and the scrapes from my spills in the river by the rocks to prove it!

The best part was getting to spend time with my best friends and to meet up, however briefly with some old college buddies....and meet their significant others.
We were really fortunate to get to see two girl friends of mine from college that I hadn't seen in several years. It was so easy to fall back into our easy patter and friendship; in essence we picked things up right where we left off.
It was great to see them thriving and to catch up on the details of their lives.
They promised to come up for a visit, but we'll see (we hear that quite a lot).
We, of course, would love to host them for a visit...we do love visitors!

We spent Monday visiting Inner Harbor (which is beautiful).
Drake and I toured a submarine and a massive ship from the Civil War era.
They were both fascinating, and I particularly enjoyed being able to touch things and pull levers throughout the tour! (I know, I know, the 5 year old peaking out again)
I always hate when everything is on lock down and behind ropes (even though I understand why they do it).
History just feels more vital when I can engage it in a visceral way.
We strolled along the water and sat in a grassy nook under some interesting iron sculptures, watching people and indulging in some sinfully delicious cheesecake from where else...the factory.
We took the back roads home enjoying the forests, rivers, lakes, bridges, and sailboats along the journey. We drank in the crisp, fresh air with the windows down, the music jamming, and our conversation floating in cozy waves.

I'm pretty sure that I need to take more time off....in fact I would say that I definitely do!
We had a great time!
We appreciated borrowing the car...thanks Todd!
And we look forward to new adventures around the corner.
Summertime in the city :)

Fun facts about Maryland (for the nerdy 5th grader in you):
Capital: Annapolis
Statehood: April 28, 1788 (The Seventh State)
Origin of Name: Henrietta Maria, wife of King Charles I
Nicknames: “Old Line State” (General Smallwood’s “Maryland Line” stood firm against British troops during the 1776 Battle of Long Island) and “Free State” (Coined during Prohibition by a Baltimore Sun editor who argued against prohibiting the sale of liquor)
State Song: “Maryland, My Maryland,” written by teacher James Ryder Randall after a Civil War riot in Baltimore
State Dog: Chesapeake Bay Retriever, a hunting breed with webbed paws and a waterproof coat
State Cat: Calico, with colors resembling the Maryland flag
State Bird: Baltimore Oriole, with black and gold coloring
State Fish: Striped bass, also known as rockfish
State Crustacean: Maryland blue crab
State Boat: Skipjack, the last working boat under sail in North America, used for dredging oysters in the Chesapeake Bay
State Flower: Black-eyed Susan, with black and gold coloring and a blossom of 13 petals
State Tree: White Oak
State Sport: Jousting, which requires horseback riders to spear small, suspended rings State Folk Dance: Square dancing
State Drink: Milk
State Dinosaur: Astrodon johnstoni, “star tooth,” which lived between 95 and 130 million years ago
State Fossil Shell: Ecphora quadricostata, an extinct Chesapeake Bay snail
State Insect: Baltimore Checkerspot Butterfly, with orange and white spots on a black base
State Reptile: Diamondback terrapin, also the University of Maryland College Park mascot

Escape from the Concrete Jungle

2008-05-22T12:59:00.002-04:00

Hooray!
Tomorrow I am off an a new adventure.
Drake and I will be venturing down to a national park near Baltimore, MD to explore our survivalist techniques. We may also make a little day trip into Inner Harbor, since Drake has never been....and b/c it is fabulous!
Hopefully we have not become so citi-fied that we can no longer survive the great outdoors.
I can't wait to meet up with some old friends and sit around the campfire listening to the sounds of nature instead of the whine of sirens while we tell our favorite old stories and laugh until our sides ache.
Camping is a ritual of remembrance, a time to let go of the hectic pace and driving force of life and to remember what it was like to not be attached to 5 electronic gadgets at all times.
I long for the quiet, the contemplation.
And as the case for most of my favorite things about life, I am anxious for the food. Mmmm....to eat food cooked to perfection over an open flame.
There is just something special about the food that is commpiled on a camping trip; I typically dream about it for weeks afterwards.
I am constantly reminded of how clever I was to have married a genius chef.
Lucky me!!

Dancing in the Treetops

2008-05-22T10:06:00.005-04:00

My commute everyday varies from being mildly unpleasant to being excruciatingly painful.
It encompasses at a minimum 2 hours a day, and it involves being in very close proximity to smelly, angry people.
Not fun, entertaining and informative at times, but definitely not fun.
However, there is one small part of my daily journey that I do love.
My path takes me through City Hall Park; where I can walk a path lined with bright, colorful flowers, majestic trees, manicured lawns, scampering black and brown squirrels, and trilling birds (albeit behind their iron fences).
My favorite part of this walk is when the pavement is wet.
If you look with the right kind of eyes, the treetops that are suspended over the pathway appear below your feet.
And suddenly you are walking amongst the tops of the trees in a celestial place; skipping with the squirrels branch to branch.
It momentarily takes my breath away, this secret world that no one else sees.

Photos

2008-05-21T14:58:00.003-04:00

Sorry guys, no photos until I get internet at my house....or take my computer to internet land....
Not too sure when either will happen, although I hope soon!!!
Cheers!!

Today I was happy--walking in the rain

2008-05-21T14:42:00.006-04:00

Sometimes all it takes to cheer me up is to know that I am the one red umbrella amidst the waves of black.

Today for lunch, I took a lovely walk up Lexington Avenue...in the rain! :)

I found this darling French place from which I purchased some baugettes, the yeasty smell wafting out the door instantly transported me to another time and place.

I window shopped in a specialty bra store that had a little sign on the window that said the professional fitter was in today; her name was Linda. I was afraid she'd talk me into spending way too much money on her lingerie, so I skipped past.

Then I lingered in front of the store front with these amazing flowers; one day I will buy myself some, just because they are amazing and smell good, even through the glass. They had specialty flowers that you rarely see, with unique color combinations and rare formations. Perfect! Amazing.

I rounded the corner, to go to this cute place for a bite to eat called "follow me cafe" hidden on a side street, and right next door their was this button shop. That's right, a store completely full of specialty buttons. It was amazing! I love that a store can be entirely devoted to such a niche thing and survive in the city. These were specialty buttons, not just generic everyday ones. They were beautiful. Did I happen to mention that I have a little button fetish?? It was how I learned about the evil and addictive powers of E'bay, which is beside the point. I now have a milk jar full of beautiful vintage buttons, which I am very excited to put to use, someday when I learn how to sew!...or Drake learns how to sew which is more likely. :)

On my way back to the office, I walked past Bloomingdales, and noticed that they are going to be giving away free bathing suits and cosmos as a special in conjunction with clinique and cosmopolitan, as long as supplies last. Probably by the time I get to stop by, all will be gone, but I will probably stop by just in case, b/c it is raining and you never know.

Someday, maybe you will come for a new york adventure with me......I'd like that.